All I need is a rhyme..

NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS!

2009-12-31T23:08:00.000-08:00

1. Get myself studying for semester 2 in an attempt to better my grades.

2. Get myself working out to tone up my body.

3. Get myself a diving license.

4. Get myself a job during the holidays.

5. I shall speak no more than 7 vulgarities in a week.

6. I shall try to keep myself commitment-free, hopefully.

7. Be a better person, always there for anyone who needs me.

8. Enjoy my life no matter how tough it gets.

Reflections..

2009-12-31T22:41:00.000-08:00

So here I am again, my reflections in 2009. It was a hectic year. So many things happened during the year, as it should be. I WENT TO SPAIN! I made new awesome friends, friends that I will surely never forget ever again. A new school life that started in April now seem so near after all. I even realized I knew who my true friends were, and those who just needed me for benefits. I also realized myself getting really soft-hearted and tried my best helping my friends as much as possible even if it means a disadvantage to myself. I thought I found myself a more useful person to my friends and my family.

I got my driving license, probably the first among the people in my year. How fast that is when just.. 2 years back I was still studying and enjoying school life. With my license, I surely got closer to a lot more of my friends. Able to just hang out awhile into the night and reminisce about the past.

To a great success though, I cut down on my drinking. Now my house is full of alcohol of all kinds. I stopped the crazy ongoing of clubbing.

This hasn't been a real reflection of my 2009, it has only a small part to what I have just said. The real reflection that I know of is, I think I have yet to change as a person, personally. I am still that kind of guy that, hopefully you can depend on if you are in any trouble. Friends are of the highest order in my life alongside my family. In my realization, at the back of 2009 was a year for me to actually quieten down my life. All the happenings and all the partying in the early days of 2009 gradually stopped. I rather myself stay at home and that helped me spend a little more time with my family members. I also realized my thinking has surely matured a lot, though I still love to have fun no matter how mature I think I am. I haven't really changed as a person since leaving secondary school.

To another extent, I have to reflect on the downs of 2009 as well. Though it wasn't all up, I always tell myself to put a smile on my face no matter how sad I am so that it wouldn't affect the people around me. 2009, if my life could get the boredom out of you, could have been a tragic year. I didn't get the results I expected for my 'O' Levels to get into the course I wanted. Right after that, I got rejected by the one I pursued for more than a year. It affected me quite a bit. I had never gone after a girl that I barely knew and somehow, just got closer and closer. A year of courtship and of me taking the whole initiative, I just rejected there and then. I released myself for almost a year, moving on from her but staying as good friends. In between, it was quite a good thing I didn't have to take any sub-papers for my first semester though my GPA was a piece of shit in the end. And in the last 2 months of 2009, I was close to a friend that I knew since Primary3, and barely stayed in contact in the whole of secondary school. It was only in poly that she really caught my eye. Too bad, again I'm rejected, twice in a year. A first for me. I soon found out that a girl in class was interested in me and that is a whole new story ready to progress into the next year.

2009 has been a good year if I must say.

I don't know..

2009-11-10T09:34:00.001-08:00

I really don't know what has gotten into me, but recently, I feel myself more sensitive to how people around me, close or not, treat me. I myself, personally feel that I'm a fucking nice person. I hope people can count on me. I hope people see me as a friend they can look for in trouble or not. I just hoped that people can enjoy themselves when I'm around. Up until now, I've always enjoyed helping my friends. I rarely say no. I always want to help. Up until now, I didn't really bother if people didn't like me, if no one appreciates my help or for that whole matter, appreciates me. I knew I liked myself for who I am, thats why. Up until recently... I never realized there was a real monster living inside me, but knowing the person I am, I never go berserk and start unleashing that monster within me. I've kept and still keeping calm. To avoid quarrels and fights, I always give in and then I take the burden of the being the problem. I've never said a word back. Up until recently, I feel terribly used. I'm now seen as many as a friend with benefits. A lot of benefits, for that matter. And again, up till recently..

I'm starting to feel the pain. I've been suffering in silence and not show it. I've been way too good. I thank God for having friends that do appreciate me, at the very least. I have finally felt fucked up. I had never known hate, but now I know. I had never known so many things. I've rarely felt appreciated. I have never spoken a word of retort if no one has said a simple, " Thanks." to me at all. I feel guilty of my own pain. I've let people step on my head one time too many. For all of my size, I'm oblivious to people's surroundings at times. And again I've never said a word on it. I see myself helping people achieve their goal, but I never seem to be helping myself reach my own goal. It might be in my head, but I really do feel fucked up right now.

I know it might sound immature for typing all this bullshit out. Sounding as though I'm so insecure about how people view me as a friend. I've got no control over what people do and say and think. I just have to accept that fact and suck it up no matter how many times I try to change that. It is that fucked up.

Though I'm saying all this, my help to people will never change. I'm still that carefree, helpful-if-you-ever-need-my-help person. I'll be there for my friend, for good or bad. I'll always be available for my friend, for good or bad. All I'm just asking, is for a little appreciativeness, not just to me, but for anyone that ever offers help.

P.S.

To that one, you can take as long you want to decide what is best for you. You can decide as long as you want to see if you are ready again to step into a commitment. You can decide, as long as you want, on how long it is to move on from the past and live anew again. All I'm ever asking, is the assurance that I'm not waiting for nothing and that there is hope, that you can see "us" in the future, whether long-distance or short. I'll be there, as always.

NO SHIT!

2009-10-25T10:35:00.000-07:00

It has been quite sometime since I've sat my ass down and typed what I really am feeling right now. All this time while away, the hols came and gone as though it never came. First week of school started and we're on the way for the second week. This is where everything shall begin for me. Study hard. Gym hard. I need to really work hard now to get my pathetic GPA up. Though no supp papers were needed, I had to admit I gradually became disgusted at my GPA. Who knew it could've been that bad. I will stick to my word that I will study hard. If I don't, then I shall dig my grave further. So much for studying, I need to burn off some fats, like seriously. I will make it a point to hit the gym for fitness and weight loss. I'm sick of seeing my body turn into nothing but a blob of fats whenever I look in the mirror. For the first time in my life, I'm feeling so worried about how I look like, physically.

Another thing bothering me has been the love shit. At the start of the year, a few of my friends broke up with their boyfriends or girlfriends. Now, just recently a few of my friends are attached. Intriguing thing is that, I'm still scared to step into the relationship field. I'm scared to ask because I'm scared of rejection. I worry that I am not able to handle any difficult situation well. For the first time in my life again, I feel scared. Those who know me knows that I'm never scared of anything. Some asked why do I have the sudden urge to want to get into a relationship. To be honest, I don't know. I've been too carefree to be bothered with anything else. I feel that I need to change that feeling. I answer to no one but my mother. Up till recently, I found someone. Shockingly, she is someone that many will not have expected it will be her that I have fallen for. She attracts me for loving who she is and not what she thinks she's supposed to be. She has her goals in life. She is neither plain nor wild. She loves the comforts of her home. She can cook. She never judges unless she has to. Treasures what she has. She is neither too pretty nor ugly. Neither fat nor thin. She might seem the fairy tale type of girl many look at. In fact she is, unbelievably. I, for one, wouldn't have known that things would have turned out this way. We were same class way back in primary school and I barely knew who she was. We were close until only since the middle of last year. Only problem now, she isn't ready and maybe so am I.

Peace..

Enjoy life for we live once only.

A classic failure..

2009-08-31T10:35:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I really think if I am dreaming. The aspirations I have of driving a Mazzerratti one day, of living in Japan while opening a garden with my house next to the seashore. They seem to be aspirations where it is only really... a dream. Damn.

Today while driving back after dropping Shaun and the others back at Tampines, my mind started to wonder. There are just some things that aren't going my way and I am seemingly going to lose my sense of self-control. The girl that I like, or rather, I ADMIRED, for a long time, doesn't seem to want to know me. It seems the feeling isn't there. She taught me Chemistry back at school but damn... how little chemistry we have between each other. There just seems to be no other; one is overseas and probably with another guy and the other seems to be just my 'very good friend' and nothing else. The other thing that is bothering me is my flabby body shape. I really need to start keeping my body in shape. Hell.. I've been treating myself with food food food food and yea, MORE FOOD! And no exercise as well. Rugby training is really going to come into handy while Shaun and I are thinking of picking up the skates again. Damn.. I seriously need to cut off those spare tires and stop being lazy and pick up those weights more frequently at home and not wait for gym sessions that are never coming. The other thing bothering me, are my studies. I don't know if I can get through this round of exams. Seeing that I spent the ENTIRE week on 1 subject, it helped me catch on areas that were vital for the paper. The rest of the papers, I have to say I struggled as well. I need to keep up the pace with others and not slack off. If the sms-es or e-mail says I need to go for them sup-papers, I know I have 1 last chance of putting a pass grade at least.

Those are the few worries that have been going on in my head for quite sometime. The last of all is, I just realized how much time I have lost of not spending time with my old mates. 3 cliques came together today to school, our alma-mater, to celebrate Teacher's Day. Mrs Calais, Mrs Chan, Mr Kwok and so many others. I missed the times we shared the laughter with these many teachers and the hard and good times we went through. Looking back at those times, I believed I enjoyed to the max. And the friends we made during the time and the close bonding we have made. James, Shaun, Nick, Ben and I. Damn we had a seriously fun time today. Not much of playing but back to where we loved doing together like playing pool and simply chilling out with one another and reminiscing the old times. As promised, we want to do this more often and we so want to.

With this phrase, I'll take my leave: Respect is not given by one's status, but by one's character..

Peace, Lets roll..

Somethings..

2009-07-09T09:45:00.000-07:00

Somethings should sometimes be left unsaid..

How I wish I am actually living right beside the sea. The outside world could go on forever without pausing while I can pause in life and enjoy the peaceful scenery of the sea. My world has been on the go ever since school started and I just realized, that I have yet to take a break. As I was sitting on the bus home today, reflections of what I have done over the past few months came flashing back to me. Just last April I started school. Just a week ago I passed my driving. Just a few days back Michael Jackson, " The King of Pop " passed away. And just yesterday, I realised how lost I have been. I haven't been doing anything meaningful except go to school then come home and then on the computer. Soccer with the group has decreased while sailing has deceased in my books. I have no other pursuits in my already glittered life with many good friends and a good family. The one pursuit I was chasing has asked me to give up.

I so need to look forward to something. I have been brooding about the past while I have been telling others to look forward to the future.

Why has it become so difficult to believe me whenever it is needed? Or am I just seen as a joke who doesn't mean what he says? STOP FUCKING DOUBTING ME, I so beg of you.

·Peace™·

'Cos' you were all that i needed..

Reminiscient..

2009-06-05T11:32:00.000-07:00

Relieving the past and still feel bothered by it shows that one hasn't actually moved on. I haven't actually moved on. It has been so long yet when I was there at the place where many things took place, it felt like it was just yesterday. I tried not to think about it but the more I continued to look around, the more I remembered.

Damn I know I have to stop all this going on in my effing head. An incident occurred to me today. A reminder as to a change in life where we all must take. Switching from secondary to poly means a switch of mindset; from the ultimate childish thinking to thinking wisely and not make rash decisions. Turning 17 and 18, it is time we think about the future. Especially relationships. We cannot go back to secondary school style where it is the " I-like-you-you-like-me-so-lets-get-together". This moments are just to feel good for the moment. Is there true love and at the end of the argument, commitment and trust even, in the relationship? 1 has to learn and think of the future. Now, being in a relationship is easy to say. But living in a Singaporean way-of-life society, questions will raise. For guys, army will be the pivotal part, furthering of studies and pursuing of a career. Girls are just short of army. There are many things to consider. Imagine a guy still furthering his studies while his girlfriend has already started earning her keep. Complications will add up and then..a breakup. In this high standard society and especially Singapore, a relationship is sometimes dependent on the paycheck and the type of work. Parents will then come into the way.

Yes I might agree with a few that what I'm blabbering about is way too long-term. However take a step back and see the big picture. You will, in 1 effing fine day, will go through this. Poly is where maturity has to take place and be instilled in us.

For single guys, take a chill pill and just enjoy life. Meet more new people each day. Satisfy yourself to just looking and nothing more. The right one will eventually appear, so be patient.

·Peace™·
Cos' I'm feeling good..finally.

Lalala

2009-05-12T09:37:00.000-07:00

Ok.. I've been thinking what I should actually post about. Poly has been sucking the life stock out of me so much so that I have rarely energy to observe my surroundings. But I think entering poly, has enlightened me to 1 fact: People change. New friends, new surroundings. More freedom to express themselves. Urgency to do well. Poly is major stage in the education system. Somehow, it is also a stage where sometimes the best and the worse of people seem to eek out of them. Many friends of whom I have known for sometime since primary school to secondary school. Many I have met again have greeted me the usual way: the handshake and a lil' catch up. Many on the other hand, seem to barely know me. Which makes me stop and think if I actually knew them. New friends would surely mean, to some people, a need to change to adapt into a new environment. A need to change one's behaviour and lifestyle and the way one talks. This is something that puts me off a little. Poly is somewhere we can finally express ourselves and act out our true personality. Not to change. I'm glad, and safe to say, I haven't changed 1 bit. I am exactly who I am. I have shown people what personality and character I have. I appreciate the freedom imposed on me. I'm a free man. People I know have struggled for this aspect and have changed a little.
Another thing that I have managed to squeeze out of my brain was that somehow, poly is a place where people have to take a step of faith and be courageous. CCAs have recently started and I myself was afraid I would be a loner and have no friends. Somehow, with a little aid, I have made a few more friends. Conversations sparked and the fire never went off. Some might say it is easy to meet new people. Like James for example, he can just go up to any guy and introduce himself and somehow, a conversation will spark off. Making new friends...never seemed easier!

Somehow, the way it all ended, the silence in between was utterly cold. It never started and it never ended. If you still do treat me as a ' very good friend ', please, tell me what you really felt.

·Peace™·
Cos' we need those guts of ours..

Hmmm

2009-04-28T09:21:00.000-07:00

Hmm. I want to scream. I really have no clue. My heart pulsates whenever my eyes meet yours. I guess this is why every time I've said no. I want keep my distance before I fall too deep. I will start having second guesses. Being conscious about myself whenever I see you. It hasn't been a long time since we've known each other. My actions have caused misunderstandings already and I'm really afraid shit might happen again. Hmm. What a to-do. I haven't forgotten my committment to someone. Though it might seem impossible that it might even happen. Haiz. I guess life just gets even more complicating though everytime I say that life is actually that simple to live. Ahh fuck it. Love sucks. Though single life is rocking my socks away, I miss having someone being there for me when I'm really in need of help and support. A special companion. A treasured someone. Yes, indeed friends have been a real help to me for the past 2+ years but I still yearn for that feeling. What with poly being an integral part of me now, it is difficult to adapt to the need of better time management. I barely have time for many things nowadays. So.. fuck this shit.

·Peace™·
Ahh fuck it..

Misunderstandings..

2009-04-08T02:03:00.000-07:00

Aye.. where to start? I have been feeling mis-understood all this time. I think everyone that I'm close to, or at least, good friends with, know that I am someone who treats everyone well, as long as your my friend. But if my actions seem to show a motive or giving you a hint to something, please I beg you, NOT TO MIS-UNDERSTAND MY ACTIONS. I treat everyone fairly and equally. It is never in my nature to mis-treat somebody. Even if I do, I make up the mistake and make it up to that person. I never want people to mis-understand my actions and let them know that whatever I'm doing is really, just in my nature.

Hmm. This few days has been a turmoil for me. Money spent unwisely was 1. I mean, $47.50 on bowling? WHOA! Then there were other issues where I feel I'm being used. This has been a very long time since I've ranted here since I've been typing out about mistakes I myself have learnt from. I hate the feeling of being used. Time and again, I've told myself that no matter under what circumstances, I shall never be someone needed only for the bad times. I mean, it is alright if you want me to lend you a listening ear, however I don't want to be taken for granted. That sucks, really.

Why have so much problems come up with whatever I do? I can't live by each day thinking whether I have created problem. My actions have caused mis-understandings. My heart has been played. The one interest that I have is slipping away and most probably belong to someone else already. I think the only reason why I am still able to wake up each day is to look forward to soccer trainings and hanging out with the soccer team. I hardly know what I am up to and barely know what are my directions. Even sailing, I am losing out the passion I am having in it. Yes he might not make it but will they still want to consider me? My soccer standard has dropped considerably. The only thing that I am good at, I think, is just playing DotA, and wasting money away. I can't wait for school to start so that I can put my focus at somewhere else and not think of the daily problems. I can't rely on playing pool or going bowling as it really is taking up too much money of mine. Haiz, how good is it not to be me eh?

·Peace™·
Cos' I'm fading out..

If..

2009-04-05T03:42:00.000-07:00

Here is a song that we should all listen to:

"My best friend gave me the best advice
He said each day's a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by
That first step you take is the longest stride
If today was your last day
And tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have?
If today was your last day
Against the grain should be a way of life
What's worth the prize is always worth the fight
Every second counts 'cause there's no second try
So live like you'll never live it twice
Don't take the free ride in your own life
If today was your last day
And tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have?
Would you call old friends you never see?
Reminisce of memories
Would you forgive your enemies?
Would you find that one you're dreamin' of?
Swear up and down to God above
That you finally fall in love
If today was your last day
If today was your last day
Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart?
You know it's never too late to shoot for the stars
Regardless of who you are
So do whatever it takes
'Cause you can't rewind a moment in this life
Let nothin' stand in your way
Cause the hands of time are never on your side
If today was your last day
And tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have?
Would you call old friends you never see?
Reminisce of memories
Would you forgive your enemies?
Would you find that one you're dreamin' of?
Swear up and down to God above
That you finally fall in love
If today was your last day"

Whats past is past, however take some time off to remember and enjoy what you have done before. Never forget friends of old and new. Live each day as though it is the last. Make your life good no matter how hard it is. I love this part.." Each day's a gift and not a given right. Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind. That first step you take is the longest stride. "

What a song..

·Peace™·
Cos' just enjoy every moment of your life..

Hmmm...

2009-03-28T11:54:00.000-07:00

Funnily how I have been actually deciding to write anything here. For quite sometime I haven't blogged. Now I've already blogged in a span of a few days. Hmm and that is because there have been something on my mind and that my friends have been talking about it as well. I want to ask all, whoever might be reading this retarded piece of shit, : Do you know the true meaning of love? I'm very sure majority of answers would be : It is a feeling. It is a gesture. Yes this are the right answers. However, I would really urge you to step into the realm and think again. Love is actually, a committment. Yes, love is a feeling, undoubtedly. But imagine this 1 simple scenario : What happens when you feel the feeling has faded? Are you just end the relationship and find the feeling back with another? After hearing from a married couple about their committment to one another is simply, touching and full of envy. 20years of being married and another 5 years of courtship. What committment eh? Many asked how they have managed to sustain such a lasting marriage. The answer was just as easy as reciting ABC : committment. Also, surely, in a world like ours now. We talk about having boyfriends or girlfriends. Maturely speaking, many now have matured and says that, no matter what happens, being committed to the one that you are with, is just the best. It is a responsibility. It is also a chance to mature oneself. I haven't had the chance for a little more than 2years since that last ordeal. Life is full of ups and downs and many of us do not have true friends. The kind of friends who go through thick and thin with you, the kind that you know, who has your back. At least you know that you have someone close enough, to share your joy and pain, your sufferings and your celebrations. So my only advise is to choose wisely and to think carefully. It is useless to just enter a relationship based on feeling and that both of you are in it because you just ' love ' each other. Both must have the maturity and the responsibility and the committment to stick together.

I know I have been sounding a little old for awhile. But I believe this are learning processes that help one learn from mistakes. I'm not calling myself significant but I know I have been through periods where I believe Life is trying to make a statement. Everything is never perfect, no matter how perfectly you plan things out.

·Peace™·
Cos' Life is full of mysteries...

Trust...

2009-03-26T20:16:00.000-07:00

Here am I typing away in the morning. Unusual of me to do so. There's 1 thing on my mind that is irritating me for quite awhile. The word trust. When it comes to trust issues, it is a big deal. When the trust between 2 people is damaged, it can never be repaired. I admit that I myself sometimes cannot be trusted. I'm living in a life of lies. Trust is.. feeling secure, knowing that you can count on that person. In a relationship, without trust nothing is possible. Both parties would start doubting each other. Whats the use of the relationship since there is no trust? I remember myself getting stuck in a situation like this. I was good friends with my ex-girlfriend's best friend. We would go out for lunches or for dinners a few times since we lived close to one another. But here is the catch : My girlfriend knows about it. I tell her about it and she accepts it. There is communication. When there is communication, there would certainly be trust. I remember having friends telling me that they do not trust their boyfriends/girlfriends. This is a simple decision to make if you really don't trust your partner : Thrash things out with them or simply, break up? It is harsh but it is the suggestion. Trust is built on a long-term basis. You can't just go up to a person and tell them ' I trust you '. That would totally be ridiculous. For a guy, for someone to trust them is almost like their credibility. When the guy is not trustworthy, there would be a chain reaction among friends that he is not trustable. It is especially true when a guy tells a girl he would wait. Proving her wrong that guys can wait for anything. Once the girl is proven wrong, there is trust. Time plays a part. People need to know what type of person are you. I know many trusted friends. But remember, they aren't exactly your best friends. Time plays a part because it allows you to know that person better.
I used to be a liar, a total bitchass liar. I lied to my parents before. I lied to teachers before. I lied to friends before. But all that has changed. I realise that, once a lie is told, another lie has to be committed. Would you want to live a life of lies? It certainly is useless. Also in the real world, with a person of trust, there would certainly be contacts all around. The cruel and real world needs trustworthy people. It is becoming a nuisance, what with corruption and many other tragedies befalling on innocent people.
If your reading this somewhere out there. Trust is a virtue. Being trusty is being cool.

·Peace™·
Cos' trust is the love..

...

2009-03-16T10:10:00.000-07:00

I have witnessed 2 sad events in only a week. 2 break-ups, 2 decimated souls looking for help. I've never really envisaged myself in such a situation. And coming to think of it, it was just about a year ago on the evening of 16th December 2007 when we decided to break-up. How fast has time flies eh? I must confess that, when I was told of this 2 recent incidents, I realised that you have actually never left me. We went out a couple of times together and have been chatting all the way through the night. I realise we were just friends. I must say that relationships can bring out the good and the bad of individuals. For me, it brought out the best in me. I cared for someone other than my family. I knew what responsibility was. I knew how to console someone and cheer someone up. I knew I would always be there to lend someone a listening ear whenever they wanted. If they needed help from me, I would be gladly assist them. Even if they didn't treat me well, I would still treat them as a friend. Also, this has brought out the worst in me. I found out I wasn't the type to let go easily. I realised that whats past is past and can never be relieved again. But I had to learn, to learn to move on. To let go and to think positive. For this 2 incidents, both had and are still having difficulties moving on. Friends are surely the utmost importance. I remembered I barely had a single good friend when I broke up with her. I didn't have someone to talk to, to pour my soul out to and to lift my burden to. Sure, reality might have made you a fool. However there is 1 thing that can certainly allow you to move on and tell back reality, is to look forward. Move on. What is done is done and no one will ever have the power to turn back time. Whoever out there who might be reading this might say I'm blabbering nonsense just to fill the spaces, but I'm sure you have felt that way before, just like everyone else?

There is someone I am waiting for. Though many have said that it might be futile to wait as she might not accept me in the end. But why give in when no decision has been made? God makes each and everyone of us fight for what we want. I know, undoubtedly there would be millions of obstacles that would be put in my way, but I'm going to go on and fight for what I want. This has been the lowest week of my holidays and I really do hope, that there would be something good at the end of it all.

·Peace™·
Cos' life is full of ups and downs..

P.S. Eh yo Brother and peas.. if you really come across here and read whatever somehow and some way. Cheer up, move on. There is nothing else but the future left to discover. GAMBATEH!

Learning to adapt..

2009-01-22T09:40:00.000-08:00

Hmm.. where shall i start? Here I am seated infront of my computer thinking; How did my 2008 end and how did my 2009 start. Surprisingly, I ended and started the years with a new group of friends. Before my 2008 ended, I managed to get my lazy ass to Japan through the school's Japan Exchange programme. To many, Japan was the PLACE to be: a heaven, a holiday or even to finally seat on an aeroplane and out of Singapore. To me, this was a time to clear my thoughts. I had so many things to deal with in Singapore. I couldn't let go nor solve. Japan became my escape. I forgot everything and enjoyed my time thoroughly in Japan. 12months of persuing that one unreachable goal. Has my time been worth it? I barely made new friends nor wanting to get to know more people. I exercised every ounce of determination I had to get that elusive one. Many called me dumb and just wasting my time. Many said that it was a time where God wants to test my faith, my determination, my drive and my passion. Through this torturous journey, I've learnt many things: what we desire may not come true; what we hope to be may never happen. I've learnt to expect the unexpected. I've learnt that no matter how hard one may try, they may never get what they want. This tested my personality and my character: Am I a person who gives up easily or am I a person who is willing to try even though there is no success? I have become half-hearted. I want to let go but I still believe there is a chance. The only thing that could actually let me forget was a need in company. My good old friends have their own lives to live. Many are working their butts off while others have entered army. Finally I have actually found the real answer: I needed new friends. It is as simple as that. The Japan Exchange has allowed me to make new friends. They weren't like my old group of friends. However I had to adapt. Force out my personality and adapt to theirs. I'm proud to say that I managed to achieve that throughout the 9days we had together in Japan. They allowed me stop thinking about her. For once in 11months, She was out of my mind. I have always stressed the importance of friends in my very own life. This has certainly been proof of so. This post doesn't talk much. Its what I have been thinking. So piss off you have nothing nice to say.

·Peace™·
Cos' give our friends the love they deserve..

The Last Waltz..

2008-11-02T07:33:00.000-08:00

I remember the time when the passion of swimming and soccer took over my life in Primary school. I remember sailing became what I loved for 8years. I remember that I made friends I would never forget. Most importantly, I remember a place where I've called home for 11years. Its not my house. Neither is it another house. But it is at this place I've discovered myself, that gave myself a chance to learn and develop myself. It was at this place where I've done phenomenal things : Breaking a law, learning vulgarities, found friends, had fun and found myself - an identity that will stay with me forever until a dying day. I remember that a person once mentioned that once you live this place, there will always be yearning to come back, a desire to relieve good, bad and the great memories of this place. Once a Hildan, ALWAYS a Hildan. Many of us students disliked that school. Why? Unreasonable teachers. Unreasonable school rules. Relentless givings of homeworks. Yet this phrase of Once a Hildan, Always a Hildan keeps coming around every once or twice a week. Everyone found it tiresome, naggy and loathing. Indeed, many did not like that school, also to a point where people hated the school. I admit i felt the same way because of several fantastic reasons. However it came to pass that I've actually been in this school for 11years. Within this school, I've known friends for 10-11years - Claudia, Christine, Amos, Jerrold, Shaun, Mark, WeiZhi, Zena, Rachel Tan, Rachel A, LingZhen, Wesley, Vikesh, JunJie, Jiayang, Pamela, Stephanie and the many others. On the 10th October 2008, it was a day a dread yet a day of excitement. For those of us who have been with this school since the days of Primary 1, we felt the pains of never coming back again, of missing this place, of singing the School Song for the last time ever. I cried when I sang that song. The song had meant a lot. For 11years, damn, thats the song I've known for a long time. Many asked, ' What was there to cry about?' . So I asked myself this question. My answers were found when we all, 5a and 5b gave the teachers 3cheers. To the front of me was my teachers who have guided me through my Secondary school life. To my left, my friends that made me feel homely and welcomed and loved. To my right was my Primary school. Tears indeed rolled down my eyes. I seeked solace in my own heart, asking, Will I really miss this place? I grew up in this place. 3quarters of my time was spent in Tampines, half my days everyday was spent in that place. Indeed I WILL miss this place. After watching HighSchoolMusical3:SeniorYear, I wondered to myself, I've long wanted to leave this place and I have finally did. Somehow I remembered a saying in that show. You might be ready to say GoodBye to that school, however that schoo isn't ready to say GoodBye to you afterall. Indeed it is true. I remember I had a walk on the second floors on the way to the toilet. 7am in the morning, i walked past the classrooms. I reminisced the times we played our hearts out, had lessons, friends being made in Sec1 and 2. I went up to the 3rd floor and I remembered 3c. One of my best years I will always remember. 1st and 4th floors brought back memories of 4d. Pioneer ThroughTrain class of SHSS, i remembered when all of us shuddered to think we will retain because of the untimely criteria of promotion. Then at the 4th floor where all of this year, 2008, came flowing back to me as if it was just yesterday. I missed everything.
At the start of the year, I blogged that this year will be a special year, a phenomenal year. Indeed it has been. The sacrifices, the heartbreaks the winnings. It has been 5years in SHSS. How to forget everything in such a short time? I then remembered that few people commented that the school's graduation was not much. However I beg to differ. For those who have been under St. Hilda's School for 11years, it was heartwrenching to see this day come. It was hard to come to terms with it. After 10 October 2008, we have officially become adults, young adults. I asked many questions about my time in SHS. Did I enjoy it? Do I miss it? Will I remember this place? I can answer you this questions - Yes I will. Till the day I leave this world, for all of my days in this world, I will remember forever my Alma Mater, St. Hilda's.

·Peace™·
Cos' ONCE A HILDAN!ALWAYS A HILDAN!

Emotional turmoil...

2008-09-05T09:47:00.000-07:00

It has been..somewhat 2 and a half months since i visited this place.. I call it a place as this is where my feelings come true. There are no lies, no secrecy, no gossips and no immorality. I must be dreaming if ever there is such a world come true. You must think i sound girlish but.. I'm so damn serious. If you felt for me, something at the very least, why can't you give us a try? You have never entered love though you had occasional crushes. But if feelings are mutual and maturing, why can't it progress? I sensed anxiety and surprise. 8months and it still don't work and i believe i don't deserve it. You must have sensed the signals or else you would not even know that it is merely more than a crush. What more can a guy do to, other than impressing, get the girl to understand love, accept it, embrace it with willingness. You must have seen many failures of love but why not try it yourself? I just pray and hope i'm not just a 'very good friend'. I've done things out of the ordinary. I never picked up the courage to ask a girl out on a movie with other friends, make friends with her nor help her find stuff where she is in need nor ask a girl for a stayover at my place nor giving you a ride home late in the night even though my house comes first nor have i ever gone crazy over a girl before. It has been 8months since we knew each other. You couldn't make it when the Brothers of SA and alfred celebrated my birthday but your birthday is somehow etched in my mind. It has been out of this world whenever we are close.. Remember that walk down the beach when i proposed to walk you home? I thought there was an unmistakable sign for both us. You could feel it and i could feel it. Life goes on but will my desire in you last? I don't know the future nor do i bother about the past though the present shows danger...

Let nature take its course..

·Peace™·
Cos' I can't take it anymore...-o-''

Why So Serious? =)

2008-07-26T19:47:00.001-07:00

After watching the Dark Knight.. i have come to agree with the Joker. I know he is a psychopathic motherfucking free-killing piece of joke that kills people for fun.. He shows how manipulative he can be.. turning the best of people and turning and twisting them and easily make them worst. He showed that even heros fall from grace.. And best of all...

Why So Serious, Son? Lets put a Smile...on that face..

If BatMan is the Vigilante everyone wants to be in their lives..why not put yourself in the Joker's shoes? He manipulates people..making everyone kill each other. But he shows that everyone is always so Serious..He's just trying to put a smile to their faces. He shows us that money is not everything..But your love for the people you love and hate.. that is everything...

·Peace™·
Cos' Why So Serious?

BAKA NACHIM!!

2008-07-03T06:33:00.000-07:00

Hello hello. First of all, i wanna wish Selena Ng, james and shaun a HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY!haha.celebrating James's birthday was crazily fun..imagine you are the one always shooting jokes about someone and suddenly..you find yourself tied up and bound to the tables and people finally taking revenge while your are helpless?HAH that totally happened!!!dang James..you better appreciate that shirt swee and i bought for you!haha. now now..imagine again..class 5a soccer team : Nicholas(GK); Wesley,Zul,WeiChin,Dinesh(Def);WeiZhi,Izzat,Vind(Mf);Mark,Marcus,Shaun(Striker). What the FUCK right?haha its a damn good team!!BRING IT ON!!hmm if only we can stick it around longer..we can further develop and beat other teams..LOL!!
P.S : Selena..i SHOULD be getting your jacket soon..so DON'T WORRY!heh

·Peace™·
Cos' my head loves it..

White Chocolate Dreams..

2008-06-30T02:35:00.000-07:00

aight its been years since i last wrote something in here.so here it goes..

soccer yesterday..DAMN!jason's boots aren't that bad..but the field was off.hah we lost though. many things happened on the field. had few moments myself but didn't really have much to remember other than being mega physical and quick thinking/footed. really tiring match. but i think..from what the rest said..this game was much much much better than the last time they met..hah.
hmm i'm damn effing bored. school was quite ok.talked a lot today.didn't study much.DAMN!haha.
ahh bored..

·Peace™·
Cos' its getting to me..

Soccer = Sailing?

2008-06-22T07:56:00.000-07:00

NO MORE SAILING!ITS SOCCER FOR NOW!yes yes.haha.the plummer is away with junhao and elizabeth. so yea..time to slack off sailing for a bit at least! haha. anyways yesterday was a real feel good time with james's church people.not bad. some event and a "restaurant" called MusicInMyBackYard.cool eh?fine dining style.not that much but with the gigs..it was really cool.bit of chilling around was not bad either.then..
Soccer today.no at first was floorball?man i tell you..floorball takes the breath away from you.LITERALLY!!haha 10mins of playing was enough to make me wanna sit down and not do anything for awhile.!! anyways after that was field soccer. WARNING! : Those that do not have field boots and wanna play field soccer,GET FIELD BOOTS!if not you will truly suffer. haha seriously..even my tough Nike boots cant take the tough wet conditions.hmm next week its a match at Damai Secondary's field.Imagine this team:(Somenamesnotincorrectspelling)
Jacobson,Weijie,Kenneth,Darryl,Shaun,Peng,James,Me,Ratner,Timothy,Ben.WHOA!not bad eh?we shall see next week then..now that i have field boots.heh..

·Peace™·
Cos' my head needs it!

Nachims!!

2008-06-17T09:56:00.000-07:00

hey sup you Nachims!! haha i tell you the laser squad is so full of crap nowadays. how fun can it get?even in gym..julian our gym coach is getting to us now..joining in with the laughter and all.hah!anyways last few days has been a bore..nothing to do other than spamming DotA. today though..played pool with couple of friends IN THE MORNING!gosh at 10.then tuition to like 5 or something.thought i saw xiaoxuan but didnt bother.saw selena though..pool at some 8.50pm again and heh..saw xiaoxuan again.LOL!ahh pool with james kenneth Peng ratner and nick was really fun..haha.they are Seriously Funny.and i literally mean 2 words separately.LOL!played this really funky game called Elimination. something bout choosing 2 pool balls as your "Life". ahh its difficult explaining la. heh anyways today was complete..JUST that i needa do homework.DANG!!!

Lets take a walk on the walls..

It could be fun ^^

·Peace™·

Cos' its in the atmosphere!!

HAH!

2008-06-07T08:47:00.000-07:00

aight aight.back from hongkong since 3rdjune. heh. spent like thousands on clothes PSP!! shoes and FOOD!lol madness spending there. but anyways its back to singapore and FUCK!sailing again.haha from wednesday till like tomrrow.Singapore Laser Trophy.here is my score..: 10,10,13,6,21,4,22,10,17 = 8th overall on 70pts with 2discards. OMG! wtf right?heh actually its kinda lousy but 8th still is kinda good. just that now no more sengleong and maxi sailing, bit off the downside.but still there is colin cheng and junhao.hah.anyways..IM BACK!haha and yea..ITS TIME TO STUDY!!haha

If it was meant to be..it will be. But if it was never meant to be, we should let it be and never force it.

Its just something crossing my mind.no more of this rubbish for me.it has taken some 99% of brain strength.lets put the energy to better use then..

TO SAILING AND STUDYING till the end of year =))

·Peace™·
Cos' im embracing it..

Bon Voyage!!!!!!!

2008-05-29T08:21:00.000-07:00

Hmm..guess what? I HAVE NEW SOCCER BOOTS!heh Nike Mercurial Red. shiok la. anyways been hanging out alot with James this past few days.Last friday played lan, Monday Chinese Os then soccer THEN pool, Tuesday went Marina Square with James and Shaun and today..Thursday went home together, him after gym me after soccer THEN pool again.dang.close buds eh?haha

What I just realised was that everything was gone and might never ever come back..

Slow songs are making me REALLY emo nowadays. not much of an effect on me though but whoa..it somehow opened up my eyes. 1 eye told me that the world is still a long way to go for me and that girls will be aplenty, telling me to take my time and set my priorities right. Other eye told me that without either of them, my life would somehow still be incomplete and life would be meaningless. how contrasting this 2 eyes have allowed me to see eh?unbelievable..

A girl like you is impossible to find..impossible to find..

haizz..how i wish i was just a dick that no girl would fancy and thus me not fancying any girl..a guy's ultimate question would be : Is a girl REALLY that IMPORTANT in a guy's life that has barely started 16 to 18 years ago?Some would say time is nothing..i would say..I don't give a fuck.Sometimes it really breaks one's heart..sometimes its really soothing to one's heart..mine is definitely hurting and breaking, however silently and sweetly and demonicly, stifling out one's pain seems easy on the front, but deep down inside..IT STILL FUCKING HURTS!

One day we seemed like strangers, the next we were lovers, the next..it is undeniable yet manipulating..

·Peace™·

Cos' i'm feeling it..

Interesting..

2008-05-21T00:52:00.001-07:00

It has been a torrid few weeks yet it has also been a good week.been talking to her recently..but yea catching up on lost time seems to be really great.to me..its better than nothing.15months passed quickly but we somehow didn't seem to be apart.not only has this happened..made at least a new soccer group in qizhi xinggui alfred gladwin and co. .apart from izzat shaun james wes and mark the others..new group i can play soccer with.why it has been a torrid week?heh got sick..stomach flu then bad results.getting zero for SS is no fun..failing Amath is crap and science..OMG just failed!!hah but yea passed 3 failed 3.parents are asked to see teachers on last day..dang.
Life has been a bit of a bore..what with no PSP and less outings cos chinese Os are near it has been terrible.going back to DotA is now back but shits..com is running out of life!!haha.whenever wc3 is on com loses more power..haiz.lucky upon knowing this girl called wanling and the continuance hanging out with james ben shaun and nick still does a great deal of fun.
Perhaps he is right..that james.why not try again for her at the end of this year?one thing he is definitely right though and that is to wait and not rush into things..2 girls 2 minds.1 seems to be waiting for me to admit my likings for her while another seems to be hoping i prove the world wrong by doing miracles at Os..im really vexxed and perplexed about the things im in..
All i can say for now is to wait and study the FUCK outta my brains.only a few more months separate us and freedom.when i lost my psp..i thought of it as a positive..remember what jerb said?think the negatives into positives.think of alternatives..isn't it the catchy phrase of 'Look on the brightside' ?hopefully i can turn the negatives into positives..
i really hope so..

Things to look forward for :-
1. Chinese Os
2. HongKong Trip
3. Movie Marathon
4. Laser Regatta
5. Help out at NSC from 11th-15th june.
6. Remedials( HAH! )
7. 'O' Levels!

Epitaph..

2008-05-11T03:06:00.000-07:00

ahh well.there goes my psp.FUCK!haiz..no mood to blog.wtf..

ily

·Peace™·
Cos' im missing my PSP

Life as we know it..

2008-05-02T08:58:00.000-07:00

HAH! who said it was a Barcelona-Liverpool final?turns out my words were true : ManUtd v Chelsea on the 21st May.BRILLIANT!

anyways life has been a bore.
what with exams and all..
the place i study at now reminds me of the times..
but the place where i take a bus home reminds me of another thing..
what is going on with me?!
I'm supposed to think of exams..
but somehow those just appeared..
absurd?nah..pure coincidence?nah..
This is Blasphemy of one's mind..

I miss that lost one..
I love that elusive one..

·Peace™·
Cos' its not easy stress..

Sensations!

2008-04-22T08:19:00.000-07:00

Barcelona vs Manchester Utd
Liverpool vs Chelsea

Ready football fans?the games of the season are upon us..WOOTS!

Been long since i have come back here.
Been long as well since you were last mentioned.
Been long since i last thought about you.
Hmmm..
Fuck it..

·Peace™·
Cos' i'm loving the piano again..

What a joke!

2008-04-17T06:17:00.000-07:00

school was utterly boring i guess.PE was the fun part..PLAYED DODGEBALL!haha.long time since played that game..so yea.dodged like what seemed to be a million balls..LOL!the day passed rather boringly..as today had napfa..shaun me james ben jerrold and nick sat at a table and played TRUTH!started out when i randomly spinned that H2O bottle.HAH!though the bottle pointed mostly to jerrold and james more than often..the juicier answers were actually from just ME!wtf right?all those retarded questions asked.URGH!then came napfa..chiong-ed stations like mad!haha.here are my retard results.
Chin-Ups : 2 [just passed]
Sit-ups : 50 [A]
Shuttle Run : 9.85sec [A]
Sit-and-Reach : 43 [B]
SBJ : FAILED!
with that..i fail everything.FUCK!but actually..its ok i guess.happy with the rest already..good enough for even a silver.aye.who cares?only the army does..napfa was ending..tried to get some sec2 girl's number but well.FAILED!haha. good try i guess.haha.soccer after that..was bit frustrated..but well..everyone has their days..

Talking and getting asked about you made me feel..
numb.
I don't know but somehow memories of us just came flooding back.
Irresistable?Self-denial?
I don't know.
Fuck.

·Peace™·
Cos' my head is bursting..

Praise the Lord for what happened today..

2008-04-13T07:15:00.000-07:00

aights today started out really retarded.woke at 8.30am and reache SAFchangi at 9.45am.waste of time initially..imagine yourself waking up that early in thr morning and find yourself out at sea just drifting around lazily to wait for the wind to come..ARGH!wtf right?yesterday was already that dumb and i came in 10th.today was no better.wtf can't they just raise the APflag?haiz.one retarded thing led to another retarded thing..the officials started another race..condemned myself to 22nd.WTF!!hahha.top 6 takes the prize and i thought if the wind continues like this..i was goner..what really happened next was really thanks to the Lord God up there..AMEN!the wind came plus a FUCKING good start meant that i felt my authority stamped on the course..though i lost a bit of nerve at the end of the race..i finished 5th..far better than my other 2 though i could have done better.last race was really..just out of the blue.2nd all the way behind junhao and didn't lose any nerve..so yea..came back sweating over whether i would get a prize cos' lionel has 16pts and i knew there were 3 others; uncle bortsnar quek and junhao in front of me already.in the i finished 6th and I GOT A PRIZE AFTER SOO LONG!shane finished 7th on 18pts..so this was how the top7 stood;

1. Lo Jun Hao 6pts
2. Vladimir Bortsnar 8pts.
3. Quek Zhen Hao 10pts
4. Lionel Yeo 16pts
5. Stanley Chan 17pts
6. Marcus Heng 17pts :):):):)

really wanna thank God for just giving me confidence.AMEN!
School tomorrow.ARGH!

·Peace™·
Cos' the drought has FINALLY ended..

It's all in the HEAD!

2008-04-12T08:27:00.000-07:00

sailing today.regatta at safchangi.SUPER boring.went out with the norm this days like james swee lin and me.funky huh..its always plus another person.LOL!dang.don't know what to write about.oh ya..WATCH STREETKINGS!fuck fuckity fuck fuck and chitty chitty bang bang..haha.

I'm getting my senses back.
For which..I don't know..
Someone has to help me..
I plead I beg I implore..
Haiz...*o*

·Peace™·
Cos' i'm somehow in need of it..

Once in a lifetime..

2008-04-07T01:18:00.000-07:00

lets see..

3rd April;
school was quite endearing as usual.slackest day of the week every week!P.E was stupid. shuttle run became slower.sit-ups became faster.sbj continues to suck.chin-ups becoming better.LOL!anyways soccer after school.probably a team to beat : Shameer[Gk], Aravindh, Izzat, Shaun[Defenders], Ben[Holding mid], Dayson and me attackers.we were seriously crashing the other team to shreds but when certain individuals came in..the game turned and dominance in midfield just fell.i scored 1 while dayson got a hat-trick. match ended 4-4!!dang. overall it was a really good game other than getting kicked twice in the face. tuition after that so yea..that was much..

4th April;
aight.school was quite ok but the after was funky.IMPRESSIONS9!haha..met Lindis at eunos.was bit late and cos of that i had to pay for all her expenses.haiz.james wanted to meet me first but somehow..when he reached already..he left..leaving Lindis and i wondering.decided to meet with the other group of ben shaun angeline izzat nick and nadya.talked and laughed a bit during the ride.heres the shit.at this moment..james was planning a prank session on me.few of them with me already knew bout the prank.james was near kenny roger's so we went there to meet him and his girl.i thought his girl was some girl called victoria, 18.turned out it was...swee min.OMMFG!i was like wtf?shocked stunned flabberghasted to the ultimate.i was like fuck it man..thank God that Lindis told me someone is planning to take a picture of my face.managed to cover my face expressions.through and through..wasn't that bad.managed to talk up a bit.as i have said..its been weeks since we last talked.anyway we all rushed down to SCH.was kinda 'late' but was not.took a bit of photos before and after.the band was quite ok but i would have to say the alumni was way way way better.well when batches change..the grade of performance will change.after the concert we stuck around taking photos.haha..james ben and i were really gay at one pic. took mrt down to city hall before deciding where to go..somehow the group became 2.haha.in the only 4 of us went for movie..james me sweemin and lindis.watched untraceable.SADISTIC SHOW!sat mac after getting high for awhile.haha.left at round 4.40am like that..made it home at 5++.yawns..oh and i found a horrifying truth.

5th April;
woke up at 9 so yea..4hours of sleep.AHHHHHHHH!went to nick's house for some project advert. fucking retarded. after that sailing.got pwned when i sailed damian's radial.pwned back when i sailed back my full rig.then damian had to bust to boat.FUCK!dinner then home..slept for long....

6th April;
woke at initially but saw sweemin's sms to at the same time asked if she could tell suting that i would not be able to make it for this 2 sundays.tuition then went to NSC to repair my boat with uncle Edwin's help. reached home at 4++ then went out at 5.30 to meet shane and damian at plaza sing. .watched a play called Lift which talked of Singaporean's way of life in its current system.interesting and cool.haha..dinner at mos burger.trained home with damian and yea..not much..slept straight away..manutd drew 2-2 but well still 3pts clear.

7th April;
dumb day..spent all of E.math and chinese together with lindis. few people gave me looks so yea.LOL.had private talks with james and lindis during chinese as well. haiz..hard to believe but easy to make the wrong move. and now im going for training..CIAO!

'A belief will not change a fact,' James Porter.
Is it really true?If it is..
Show ME a sign..

·Peace™·
Cos' i'm feeling it..

Windowshopper..

2008-04-02T05:53:00.000-07:00

school was disastrous today. quarrelled with that person, suan-ed by the other person.haha but after that, was quite fun all the way.went for lunch with izzat shaun james ben nick and other of james's friend. made fun of shaun all the way cos he managed to attract another girl.!!.prank all the way.went to tm with shaun ben and izzat to find shaun's shirt.walked walked all the way, not buying anything. only ben bought shades.!!met up with nadya kanthes zena and nisa.in the end we went to Sub to try out all kinds of shirt.i bought 1 shirt for 70bucks!kanthes managed to get her cardigan for 40bucks cos of some funky promotion. LOL. in the end shaun didn't get a shirt.he went all the way back to freshbox to buy his shirt.LOL. totally funky day.just trying on all those shirts. haha.somehow..friday seems to be coming sooner than i thought.DAMN!still haven't gotten my jeans.but dunno leh..skinnies certainly looked fine with that shirt.LOL..dunno la..all in all..what a fine day to save me from struggles.

·Peace™·
Cos' i'm finally getting some..

Me soo..

2008-03-31T07:23:00.000-07:00

today was a torrid day.headache all the way in class.causing a mental strain on me.ARGH!!anyways passed chem again!should have done better but well i was not that good with that written part.math lesson was interesting.wesley and claudia still trying to squeeze answers out of izzat and me.dunno bout what anyway.went for dental after school and got my teeth even-ed out a bit.gym after that.WOOTS! finished in an hour.plus ab work, finished all in 80mins.ran a bit for round 10mins so its 90mins overall!dang.crazy me.LMAO though.haha.and now on the computer, i just found out something totally screwed up.FACEBOOK DISABLED MY ACCOUNT!have no idea why they disabled but dang.there goes my facebook.cant create another cos they also disabled my e-mail.F***!!
Hope it rains tonight.
If she doesn't get a ticket, be sure to know..
That i would be FUCKING PISSED.
I would make sure you hate me..
Even at your death bed,
I would never let you forget my hate,
A satanic hate of mine towards you.

Siansation!!

2008-03-30T07:52:00.000-07:00

haha.been long since i came here again but then again.nothing whatsoever happened.

Its been weeks since we last talked.
Yet a hearing that you asked about my sudden disappearance.
Means nothing apparently right?
Felt like heaven above to me.
Fuck you marcus.Its near impossible.
Maybe i should just concentrate on other stuff.
Thinking too much never helps.
I shall aim for surprising Os results.
Can i start afresh from here?
By God i pray that i can.
Having dreams is one thing but mine doesn't comfort me.
It wrecks me.Tortures me.
The way you made me feel,
I never felt so real.
Nobody might have read this page before.
To hell with that.
This page is for my thoughts.
Hate it?then leave.
Not asking for sympathies.
I just want that special one to know..
Please give me a chance again.
May not be soon, may not be later.
Friday might be a special day, it might not.
[2peoplemakingmyheartstop]

·Peace™·
Cos' you make me breathless

Impressions?

2008-03-26T07:08:00.000-07:00

13 confirmed tickets for Impressions9.cool.large. freaking bored now.
Eminem^^

Peace™..

Hanging in a daze..

2008-03-25T07:08:00.000-07:00

One may be a fantasy. The other might be reality.
All I know is that few months ago, I lived a fantasy in reality with you.
Short-lived but mesmorising, I admit now i was never ready.
Both of you came at the back of a downfall.
Both picked me up to help me move on.
One is slowly leaving me, The other is seemingly coming closer.
What am i feeling? I'm numb.
Impressions9 can turn out pretty, can turn out bad.
I'm sure you didn't accept my asking of you to come along just because I'm paying your ticket.
I'm sure there is more than it meets the eye.
I might be thinking wrongly, might be right.
I'm sorry. My bad.

Peace™..
Cos' i can't feel shit..

Party like a rockstar..

2008-03-23T01:13:00.000-07:00

dang..been long since i last came here..this is how it goes.

20th ;
Angeline's birthday!hahahaha.was quite dumb but yea.school was boring but lunch with james and shaun was always hilarious.tuition-ed early.went down to see what i could get for angeline.somehow met damian while crossing the road.then mike called me.both asking me simultaneously whether i wanna go visit nick who has a torn ligament.OUCHZ!so damian and i walked around Parkway and at topshop.no nice clothes to fancy about.went back up to perlini silver and met jon and wilbur.funnily met ching, at perlini silver!managed to get a deal.1 set comprising of a necklace and bracelet = 30bucks.normal price was 50..managed to cut down.LOL.after nick's house we decided on lan.my imbal luna 9-0.!!ahahah.then that was mostly all.was in my uniform all the way.

21th ;
lunch at 1.30pm with sis and mom.went to some dimsum restaurant at town area.rushed bit for church.only jianguang and suting were there.she was there as well but did not get the chance to talk.drama was really cool!haha.GOOD FRIDAY!immediately chiong-ed down to airport to welcome back the girls who came back from Laser Radial Worlds.been months since i last saw them.talked abit till junhao and i got bored and started djmax-ing.dinner with collin and jon before heading home.james called if i wanna go pool and out again.headed home at like 3.30am.LOL!

22th;
SAILING!haha.short affair but well.Cat. 1 was super obvious.storm coming off Changi, Town and batam was coming real fast so we were called to go back.djmax-ed a bit with junhao before going home to do a bit of 'work'.met damian at 10.45pm..apparently going dxo where an underage party was going on.met mike at entrance but well.found out was cancelled.police all over so we decided to get out fast.taxi-ed to clarke quay where we chanced out on Arena.went in with ease though.went in and damian got drinks.clearly he got the wrong ones for mike as mike was hell drunk.dancefloor was packed and WOOTS!2 girls were just tripping out with us!mike and i grinded the shit out of them but..damian did the wrong thing at the wrong time [dont blame you mate.]HOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOT!grinded the prettier one more but when the shorter and much more chio one came to me..grinded like i never grinded shit!sad they ran off..thought they were there for the taking already but well..grinding was the best we could get out of those 2 chicks.damian was much more mesmorised by the chick that sold us tickets and was dancing on the stage during the freestyle.DANG!could have got my 17y/o ass a hot chick that was surely older than me!hahah

Seeing you just make me squirm in my seat.
DANG!
Those 2 chicks..:):):):):):)::))
Peace™..
Cos' my brain is high on alcohol..

Masks...

2008-03-17T08:23:00.000-07:00

IM DOING FACIAL NOW!!hahahahah.my face is in seriously tearing condition.had to do something so facial is the one that came to mind.hahahahha.damn dumb.anyway back to school.hahhaha.so fast tests are sprining up from everywhere.LOL

Man have masks.the one that they wear every day may not be the mask that they wear to other places.Some say man have 2 faces. the happy and angry one.Some say man has more than 2 faces.however they say these faces appear deep deep inside man.they are the lying, loving, scheming, struggling, many!i say man only has 1 mask.that is the mask they wear to face everyone everyday.it can be moulded.too many masking can cause severe self-consciousness, self-denial, confusion among themself.so i ask..Whats your first mask of the day?

A mask is the door to Man's softness and hardness.
1. Her touch touched me deep inside all of a sudden.
2. Her drifting into my mind has caused me sufferings yet happiness.
3. Her message was enough to make me smile from a boring day.

DAMN!?
Peace™...
Cos' my brain needs it..

Are you ready to STEP UP!

2008-03-16T07:36:00.000-07:00

aights..Briana Evigan is HOTHTOHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOT!haha.the way she danced..the way she looked.DAMN!chiong-ed down with jon to lido to queue up while the rest were taking their time.jon me jehian damian wilbur shane lionel and max went to watch.should have been more but well.IT WAS FUN!hahahah.really funny.from looking to chicks to entertaining a crazy guy on the train.thanks to wilbur.
hahahaha.anyways..at the bus-stop at eunos.i stood at exactly the same spot when she and i first took train and bus together from town.then on the bus155, i sat at exactly the same spot where she and i would go home together to my house.2 different spots. 2 different girls.how great can that be to change my complexion on the fun-filled day to a emo walk home.tomorrow is the first day of school.AHHHH!!!!

Congrats Junhao for going to YouthWorlds.

BUY ME THE GERMAN JERSEY!hahah.

See you Scott next year where it will just be you and me.

49er?

Peace™..

Cos i need it to forget the both of them..

HOTCUTEHOTCUTE!

2008-03-12T07:07:00.000-07:00

ok...I'M GOING CRAZY OVER CAMILLA BELLE!hahah ok shits..SHUT UP MARCUS!watch 10,000B.C. amazing show which stars a good looking steven straits and a hot+cute camilla belle.haha.retarded huh?after movie wilbur and i were talking to damien bout how of a pussy he was to a girl.let me ask you:what would you do when a girl u have a liking for have an eye connection with you?would you..quickly turn away and worse of all look down on the ground. or just take a chance to greet her silently through ' saying ' hi?LOL!

today sailing was again..subdued so we were not amused by the putting up of AP flag.haiz..justin played my PSP till it was out of batt..sherms one as well.in betweens were Cat. 1 warnings. worse part was when they asked the 420s Hobies Lasers and Bytes to stand-by to launch.LOL.we made a mad rush out to rig but guess what?it rained!AGAIN!hahaha.so we just rushed back to shelter and back to cards.hahahaha.bridge-ed like crazy for the past 2 days.joanne's iTouch just making me so freaking jealous!!!but i have my PSP and i'm thankful for that!hahaha.stupid sailing has taken up 2 days of my hols.AHHH!yet no sailing done.NICE!aights..back to 'emo-ing'.haha..few songs that just make me think of her..2 of them la.=.=""

·Peace™·
Cos i freaking need to watch D-GRAYMAN!

TIRED!!!

2008-03-08T06:52:00.000-08:00

7-8th...
NIGHT CYCLING!haha.before that was dumb parents-teachers-meeting.night cycling was..fun?but duh..freaking tiring!my team was Jean rachel don aaron james ben alfred and me.haha not that bad already since we were the only team to have girls in the team and finished 3rd.see..cycled from bedok reservouir to bedok town park to kembangan to siglap connector to east coast park to changi village.DANG!lucky was not intense cycling if not i would be left with just skin and bones.saw her along the way and she asked me a question.. ' marcus you know what is this ''sweeties'' thing? ' LOL ROFLMAO!!but yea..i don't even know what in the world is that!!cycled and cycled and onto changi road.sickest longest and shittest stretch of roads.was a never ending ride..so long that james ben and i kept singing no matter how bad we sounded.found out rachel was the granddaughter of one of the old lady that stays in the same lane as me and that she knows and has seen me before.=.=".we finally ended at 5.48am.the exact time when i saw my phone.chiong-ed to the nasi lemak stall for FOOD!!!haha.lay around trying to get some sleep but ben just kept harassing me with my phone.photos and after that home!haha finally..took bus with james aaron and don.dropped off at james's busstop and i cabbed home.SLEPT ALL THE WAY to 12.45pm.KAOZ!and i had to go sailing.zz..dinner at cafe iguana with sis and mom then after that home!though man utd lost..ITS OK!THE CHAMPS LEAGUE WILL BE OURS!

this thing..a phenomena..keeps cropping up my head.let me ask you a simple question: Do you like if you find out your 'friend' only speaks to you when they are in need of help or in need of company cos he/she is lonely?think about it..even if you have never felt it, maybe in some ways done the same to others?i know i have but i always try to make amends.and i am feeling that someone is doing that to me right now.aights..so what if we have only known each other for barely 3months?so what if i expressed my likings for you by sending you flowers and asking you out on Valentine's day?can't we just be friends that speak to each other normally and not avoid each other with weird glances?when i was cycling on the long stretch of changi road..i looked back at the times you actually talked to me or communicated through other kinds of communication.first one was facebook.you asked if i knew anybody who could do up your room.then you asked if you could join our group when we had steamboat cos you didn't really like it there.then during the race, you asked if i knew what was that word mean or where you could find it.i said i didn't know and scoffed off.then normally you had no one to go back with and you always asked if we could go back together..but no..you had company then and didn't even ask me at all.WOW!once again i'm not being sensitive but it is seriously fucked up if you do that to someone.FUCKED UP is the phrase to describe it.Eminem once said ; If you've got nothing nice to say then fucking don't say anything.I say ; Was i just someone you thought could use for help and company when you were in need of help and company?if i was..then i'm a fucker for liking you.then i'm a fucker and a sucker for you.i blame myself cos it was a fucking wishful thinking on my part.if you ever read through this..take some time to reflect..

·Peace™·
Cos them motherfuckers need it.

LOL!!

2008-03-04T06:22:00.000-08:00

aights just finished DotA-ing with wilson louis and few others.been bout 2 months since i touched DotA.haha Luna 12-1 was gay again.though bit of configuration to it made it difficult to kill..but well its Luna!haha. Life seems really really bored.Maybe cos im missing her?or is it the undercurrent stress of Os and the coming Singapore Youth?you never know.but one 1 thing i know is that i miss her.who ever is reading this..i need help on this but i don't know even what kinda help i need. I wish someone could just fucking make me wake up from this ' Fantasy ' which Dinesh calls it, or is it the reality im really not wanting to face?hmmm..give me a sign.

·Peace™·
Cos' the harsh reality is catching up...

There is soo many things...

2008-03-03T06:19:00.000-08:00

·**Sometimes I wish I could save you And there’s so many things that I want you to know I won’t give up til it’s over If it takes you forever I want you to know.
·**If you fall, stumble down I’ll pick you up off the ground If you lose faith in you I’ll give you strength to pull through Tell me you won’t give up Cause I’ll be waiting if you fall you know I’ll be there for you.

I feel really really sick of myself?we havent communicated for more than a week.I'm tearing up myself inside.No one to confide in.Tearing up heart to feel you.I'm not being desparate, neither am I being pathetic, why can't you just be somewhere else in my head?

·Peace™·
Cos' I fucking need it.

Of the chains..

2008-03-02T03:31:00.000-08:00

1st March 2008;
supposed to sail but in the end..uncle edwin helped me to touch up my boat.Yongqiang made the squad play soccer with Nick's squad.funny affair.scored lots of goals..colin and i just make a good team i guess.haha!after that did bit of gym then pingpong.haha.went town with jon.bought a pair of slippers at Heeren at Four Skins then visiting Sandy at Ed-Hardy.[things there are KAOZ! expensive!]haha.walked walked walked till we got to Wisma. jon and i bought the same shirt from Flesh Imp.SALE!2FOR$35!haha..quite nice bah..then finally met up with Damian Wilbur Shen and watched Charlie Wilson's War.nice show!!haha.after show we walked around till we got from Cine to taka..thought can see her there but most probably she's off already, so well..yup.jon left early and 4 of us sat and walked around till we finally decided to go home..really glad there was an outing cos if there wasn't..would not have known what to do at home since crunchyroll.com has yet to release Episode73 of D-Grayman.LOL.that was all..

2nd March 2008;
Lucky i decided against sailing today and went to work.LOL!IT RAINED!JUST AS I EXPECTED!haha.service was quite nice today..newly at Hall 1, F.I.R was there to perform and pardon me for my suagu-ness..i thought they were a girl band!LOL!haha..tuition after that and the girl in front of which i might be interested in..DANG!hot hot hothot!!!worked till 3.30pm then off to HideOut Cafe to meet up with cell peeps!!!haha.4 cells were there and was really fun!!some fellowship..celebrated wendy's birthday and made wilson dance with her.hahaLOL!!bus-sed home after that and ate crabs with family at geylang there.SHIOK!now watching riddick.ADIOS!!

Mas Selamat!PLEASE SURRENDER YOURSELF!DON'T MAKE US WORRY ANYMORE!
If you were willing to give me chance,though you didn't,
I'm sure we would have had the times of our lives.
Everyone has a choice: I chose to like you.You chose to reject me.
Life is nothing even without talking to you.

·Peace™·

Leap-ing Day...

2008-02-29T07:54:00.000-08:00

today is the 29th of feb..lived only once every four years.haha.LOL!
school was quite boring though.chinese remedial then soccer..WOOTS!SCORED 7GOALS!haha.with james izzat shaun jerrold ben nelson aravindh.3c connection there again..haha.Cell at jerb's place today..fellowship with wilson gladwin jerb sandy paul and alfred was a funny affair.haha..sad she was not there today, or rather..better?xD.forget it..haha.super packed day and tired but well..i just wanna..

Thank God for helping me pass my Chemistry test!11 out of 20.though not a good score but still, its a pass!haha.been coming but finally..the wait to pass has ended.chinese written work as well..6/10 for letter and 13/25 for compo, not that bad..coming from someone that utterly hates chinese.my history tests as well..think im the highest?dunno dun care but still doing well in history makes me go easy!haha.really wanna thank God..SERIOUSLY!

Remember a few posts ago..i said im wishing for something good to happen to me?haha though it was a different type 'something good', it turns out that the something good is for my tests results.REALLY ENCOURAGING!haha.PRAISE THE LORD!
still wishing for something else to become better..haiz..:(:(:(!

Faithfulness begets Fruitfulness begets Faith..
3 steps of life we need every day.

Peace™..
Cos' here comes the BOOM!

Dj MaC..

2008-02-27T06:13:00.000-08:00

haha..ok kinda addicted to the Dj Max game.been playing it non-stop and have yet to do any freaking work.Nothing whatsoever happened today..just chatting to FangLu for awhile.YAWNS!!aight..adios pussies..!!

Peace™..
Cos' a hurricane is coming..

CHIBAN!

2008-02-26T08:46:00.000-08:00

haha.LOL done with D-Grayman!i mean finally watched till where they stop streaming.DANG!episode 71.LENALEE IS IMBAL HOT AND CUTE!
anyway school was quite boring and ARGH!psychology is 9pts..!!so im retaking math.NO CHOICE!CANT COUNT ON MY SCIENCE!

Nobody is meant to be alone.
Life is spent with a partner..
However I'm missing mine...

Peace™..
Cos' life is taking a toll..

Flabberghasted..

2008-02-24T05:38:00.001-08:00

since when the fuck did 2 motherfucking yellow flags not warrant a fucking DSQ??how insane!!whats the cause?lets see..
1. Quek Zhen Hao 3pts
2. Shane Ong 9pts
3. Zach Poon 13pts
4. Marcus Heng 13pts
if shane got the fucking DSQ..i would have been on 12pts and 3rd and i would fucking win a prize!_I_=.=""_I_ this is to sailing man..haiz..well it fucking hurts..DUH!adding to the list of the unfortunate events happening to me..i can star in a movie like A Series of Unfortunate Events : By Marcus Heng.ZZ!
Why does everything seem down to me?she seems to be avoiding me already..school life isn't so meaningful..sailing has been fun but during regattas, results are no where near good. friends and family are the only good things to me now..and thats a good thing.God is also a good thing to me.He is someone who can bring happiness once again into this happy-to-sad life. Can't something good just happen to me for once in 2weeks?thats all I'm asking..one motherfucking thing that is good to happen to me.
FUCK!im sounding super emo but well, how else can i go through this torrid time?it isn't easy for one who is attempting certain chances and gets fucked up to the core.

tomorrow is back to school and im not fucking done with my work.ARGH!haha..
Life goes on though it SUCKS!
I'm only asking for something good, whatever it is to happen.
And I'm wishing that she and I could at least remain friends.
Fuck sailing.

Peace™..
For I'm gon create havoc..

What if...

2008-02-22T08:39:00.001-08:00

What if it was known i would not go sailing on saturdays..thus me being able to go to cell meetings with e462.What if we had not struck a conversation with each other at our first meeting..would i have been intrigued by you?lets see..been only what..less than 3months since we last known each other..you know that i like you and i know im being a complete retard by telling myself i have a damn chance..NICE!why did all this things..small small events that happened?causing such complications and to the extent that we didn't even said 'Hi' to each other when we actually walked past each other in that rather narrow bridge that connects the door and the living room.You'all can call me crazily intrigued and captivated by this girl..you made me living again..helping me get back certain senses into my initially senseless-body and mind.buying you those flowers certainly meant something..so did asking you out.Seriously,what if..i had never set those eyes of mine upon you?
Some have said my life has been on the up.Some say my life has never had a down.well hear hear!MARCUS IS GOING DOWNHILL ALL OF A SUDDEN!much stuff has happened recently.in school and outside.in school my grades are on a all time low, some screwed up case came up, life is getting rather monotonous in school.outside..lets see.i got ditched, hiking strap is tearing apart, the above in the 1st para[LOL!], sailing.
My mind is certainly going screwed up as well.i cant help my bro who is having some problems in his relationship, i seem to be getting into ways of others.

Life does not end though, a real fact that we humans must go through.
Only God can help us in real times of need.
I need a peace of mind.

Peace™ xD

Surprise surprise!!!

2008-02-18T03:34:00.000-08:00

haha..firstly..MANUTD WON 4-0!dang arsenal got their ass whooped real bad at OT.secondly,LIVERPOOL LOST 2-1 AT HOME!well done barnesly!totally deserved it!nicely done there howard!haha.thirdly..mrs calais has let up!she allows me to other work during her period though i must do whatever work she requires me to..LOL!fourth..i haven't been caught..dang..its a matter of time i think but well..no running.fifth, i constantly sailed in 2 strong wind days..legs gonna break apart..but still felt SHIOK!haha.lastly..ITS DINESH'S BIRTHDAY TODAY!haha..happy 17th bro..may all ur endeavours come true.haha..

today school was really subdued..common tests at the first and last periods..totally dreading the results of the tests already!haha but well..i tried.English was crap while Amath was horrible.haha.boring part was chinese.thought sitting at alfred and junjie there would be better..should have thought otherwise and should have sat with james.LOL!after school was dumb as well..weizhi was trying to get answers from that auntie..but she just would not relent!went to library after that and yea..thats that for today i believe..

One joy dispels a hundred cares - Confucius.
Without music, life is a journey through a desert. -Pat Conroy
For everything you have missed, you have gained something else; and for everything you gain, you lose something. -Ralph Waldo Emerson

here are some quotes made by people of wisdom..take them into consideration and put them into aspects of life..for me this 3 quotes totally make sense.

Life goes on no matter what happens.
I failed once, but shall get up again and try.
Can't you just give me a try?
Like i said, without trying, you will never know what the outcome will be..
Please..
With Sincerity..

Peace™

Cut lip..

2008-02-15T08:51:00.000-08:00

got myself a cut lip today..bugger elbowed me.NOT A FIGHT!WAS SOCCER!haha finally with my shoes..scoring and playing much much much better.hahah.school was a bore today till that unfortunate incident happened.but well..life goes on?YES!soccer was a cool day for me..didn lose till the last match..totally heated match we had.hmmm.rushed down to riverwalk for combine cg.I WAS THE ONLY GUY!alfred was doing sound system so in e462..i was the only guy!dang..haha..after cg was supper at BK with alfred belinda and sweemin.funny afair by my observations.LOL!the art of listening and not talking much is a good way of jacking people!dang.trained home while belinda took bus.as usual..dropped at eunos with sweemin again..quite quiet i believe.but well..when im there, there is sure laughter round the corner.LMAO!anyways..gonna sleep..eyes this few days super tired..

Quiet Success..
The cut lip is nothing compared to God's power of Love.
If only every day was just like today...

Peace™:)

Misery LOVES ME..

2008-02-14T01:05:00.000-08:00

aight..today was supposed to be a day where the air will be filled with love for everybody.however for me,it somehow seemed only misery filling my surrounding air.ditched earlier, i came to school, had to stand coz i forgot to bring my thermometer and my songbook.then my sideburns got caught.bit of suan-ing from mr.chiang.didnt finish SS test coz went back late.was 'disposed' as chairperson.supposedly lost a set of keys for class lock.lost games in P.E. . yea this many things happened to me in a day that is supposed to feel love.RAHHHH!did i just hit a bad patch?or just really that sadded.earlier found out that she has 'criterias' bout the guys she wishes to have.i believe im somehow not there.

What is Pain when there is Love?
But what is Love when you only feel Pain?

That is the irony of life.you think things will just somehow spin your way but it just turns round you and choke you.this is my beef towards life.1 more thing might just go out of my way is the flowers im sending.will it change the situation?or will it just become weirder?dang.totally pissed!

If only I could go to sleep without waking up..
I would then have no need to face the music.
But life would never let you do so till you give your final breath.

Peace™ :(.

Hope?

2008-02-13T01:38:00.000-08:00

been days since i came here.haha.either busy or just lazy.anyways..got ditched.yea.LAUGH IF U WANNA!I WOULDN'T HIT YOU!haha.tomorrow is valentine's day..and guess wad..im freaking alone..fag..gay!haha.school was quite ok today.japanese students on exchange to our school were the main attraction.talked up few while 1 really caught my eye.haha..IM NOT HORNY!dang.played blackjack all the way during free periods..was losing initially but well..lady luck was certainly shining on me soon.was losing like some 20bucks but won back and won $3.50 . haha while yong won 25bucks.wesley won 8.mark was banker so you can imagine his face when we finally ended.gonna study ss so yea..piss off marcus!!

I was never alone for God was and is forever with me.
But if she had actually said yes, it would have felt much much better.

Peace™:)

Some games can never be played alone..

2008-02-08T07:43:00.000-08:00

soccer cant be played alone.basketball cant be played alone.sports teams always say : there is no I in team.Love is sometimes like a game.yes i may not be old enough to know what love is like, but i can at least say there is no I in Love.it takes 2 hands to clap ; 2 souls and hearts to combine. i am still thinking if the time i ripe and ready for the taking. some say music makes one turned on and when both share the same interest in the same instrument,things may happen. musical instruments should be banned in some areas of life.seriously.even in a duet, there is no I in there.that night i lied there paralytic.not knowing what the hell should i do.OK!STOP BEING EMO!hhahaha
anyway..soccer at 4+ with justinwong ri chris nick zhicao zul jackson.was really really fun.playing with them is always fun..though u get scoldings but still..in a fun way..hahahha.scored 3 today.amazing huh.lost my touch of late.haha..in the end blisters on the soles of my feet..grrr.came home and to starbucks..I SAT A PORSCHE!haha.uncle alvin's.ate at Thai Express since cartel was full.haha.only person lacking was micheal bah.always nick damian wilbur and i.mike has army to deal with..aye..
chinese new year passing so quickly.soon it will be valentine's day.soon it will be civil defence day.soon it will be me becoming a councillor.dang..

passed by simpang bedok today.dunno if that one person is reading this..but all that memory came back when i passed by there.first supper on our half a date.haha LOL

Some games can never be played alone..try it..it sucks.
Peace™:)

how i totally feel..

2008-02-06T23:12:00.000-08:00

I hate feeling like this
I'm so tired of trying to fight this
I'm asleep and all I dream of
Is waking to you
Tell me that you will listen
Your touch is what I'm missing
And the more I hide I realize I'm slowly losing you
Comatose
I'll never wake up without an overdose of you
Chorus:
I don't wanna live
I don't wanna breathe
'les I feel you next to me
You take the pain I feel
Waking up to you never felt so real
I don't wanna sleep
I don't wanna dream
'cause my dreams don't comfort me
The way you make me feel
Waking up to you never felt so real
I hate living without you
Dead wrong to ever doubt you
But my demons lay in waiting
Tempting me away
Oh how I adore you
Oh how I thirst for you
Oh how I need you
Comatose
I'll never wake up without an overdose of you
Chorus:
I don't wanna live
I don't wanna breathe
'les I feel you next to me
You take the pain I feel
Waking up to you never felt so real
I don't wanna sleep
I don't wanna dream
'cause my dreams don't comfort me
The way you make me feel
Waking up to you never felt so real
Breathing life
Waking up
My eyes
Open up
Comatose
I'll never wake up without an overdose of you
Chorus:
I don't wanna live
I don't wanna breathe
'les I feel you next to me
You take the pain I feel
Waking up to you never felt so real
I don't wanna sleep
I don't wanna dream
'cause my dreams don't comfort me
The way you make me feel
Waking up to you never felt so real
Oh how I adore you
Waking up to you never felt so real
Oh how I thirst for you
Waking up to you never felt so real
Oh how I adore you
I...
The way you make me feel
Waking up to you never felt so real...

Fuck this shit.
Peace™:)

...

2008-02-06T07:38:00.000-08:00

it seemed awkward the whole time.haiz.but then..what can i have done?=.=life sucked and it totally did.haiz.5 of them stayed over my house.didn sleep till like 6.now i feel if im to ask her to the dumb concert in april..it would totally seem fucked up.LOL.
aye think i should just concentrate on studies first.no relationships i guess.anyway school today was quite retarded.lost 1-0 to izzat on winning11 PSP.sadded.haha.partied all the way.taught them how to play bridge.LOL.finally!anyways at hall, 5a won the champion for noticeboard.great achievement for those who did it.yup.CONGRATS!mrs calais is totally excited we won.haha.
reunion was an average affair.eugene was like the oldest and the norm : just 2 guys at the ' non-adult' table.ahaha.

Happy Chinese New Year anyways.
Peace™:)

Hmmm

2008-02-04T06:25:00.000-08:00

aight.chances of me going to the april event seems slim since i cant get a date.LOL!but damn..if only i had the balls to do everything i can within my power, i would surely do it.so here is my piece : if i cant get her you people would not see me there.haha.anyways school was kinda slack.had a talk with mr ng about whether i should retake my E.math.he said i should not retake so that i can concentrate more on science CH and A.math.but well, decided that i should just put in more effort in those 3 but just maintain myself in E.Math.DUN TIRE YOURSELF OUT!ITS CHINESE NEW YEAR!haah..study champ after school again.funny thing was mr wee was our teacher.haha.weird huh.
bought another topman shirt.LOL!im not saying anything but im buying stuff from topman cos i have vouchers from some bank.so my parents are allowing me to buy my stuff there.haha.doing chinese work while watching Heros and also thinking about her.

Thank you God for giving my wisdom.Amen.
Peace™:).

No balls,No guts..

2008-02-01T08:20:00.000-08:00

if only i had the guts and the balls, i might have left that house a different person.well i tried what i could to bring her along.aights.met james at sweemin's house coz he was doing up her wall.idiotic james.LOL nvm.between him and i.aye aye aye aye.it was there that i thought i lost myself.but then,james kept bringing me down to earth by disturbing my thoughts.hmmm.but...ALL THE DAMN BUTS KEEP COMING UP!i would just admit it.NO BALLS NO GUTS.if i had those...you never know.kept tempting her to come along e99's reunion dinner.STEAMBOAT!dang but she still doesnt want to.haiz.well..cant force cant i?

i asked this question to alfred:should i chase this seemingly impossible dream?
Should i?or shouldn't i?
i talked of my fears of what my actions might lead to her reactions.
What should i do?
Another surprise birthday celebrations again.for joseph and i.haha.THANKS E99!
Thank you God for all the wonderful people i have met through you.Amen.

Peace™:)

If only...

2008-01-31T06:03:00.000-08:00

life was that easy - relationship wise.i just cannot imagine what i would do if im really gonna ask her and what would she do should i even ask.would i scare her off?would she then ignore me leading to the end of even a friendship?aye.trying not to think too much about it.STUDIES FIRST!dang.

Love God.
Cross-country was *blissful* with yonglin.

Peace™:)

DANG!

2008-01-30T03:00:00.000-08:00

29th jan:-

haha.aight aight.let me say this : THANKS HIKARU!THANKS SHAUN!THANKS AFRED!THANKS EDWIN!THANKS DARWIN!THANKS PETER!THANKS HANYONG!THANKS JONCHOO!dang.how bout this adding to another day of my birthday.29th jan but they still celebrated for me!haha.afred was too obvious already i guess.i always find it weird when a guy asks a guy for dinner.out of no apparent reason.haha.this out no different.pasta mania was the place.haha.really wanna thanks this peeps.not only they bought me a bag, they still sprang a surprise for me.WOOTS!also wanna thank swee min.though u couldn't make it,haha.and also christine.if you are reading this..YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE SO!haha.

today,30th jan :-

hmmz.quite a fast day today.though school ended at 1.45pm, it was a funfilled day!science prac was a joke.we were all really together into doing the prac.mrs chan somehow disappeared but well.we did our work and thats that!really boring day but well,life goes on

Friends are IMBAL IMPORTANT!i feel really blessed,to be honest.from church,my brothers jonathan jianguang AFRED hikaru shaun darwin peter hanyong edwin richard jonchoo suting kimberly wilma,aye whole of e462 la.haha.ravi ben sweemin wilson weiqiang sandy steph jerblinn brotherEdmund belinda and many more.dang.school there is my set of brothers dinesh weizhi ben weichin james nick shaunloy mark izzat wes yonglin zul aravindh jerome danker jerrold vikesh.
christine claudia angeline racheltan stephanie lingzhen pamela weish baishuang.
thats a lot of friends right?haha.many more friends from sailing and outside, damian shen nick wilbur fen zhen marc lionel colinlim calvin jonchew hong joanne shane junhao eric jiayang ahpui leon jesper.dang...so many!haha
from the 27th to the 28th to the 29th were the best days i had.no doubt.yes it may not have been with either desired ppl but this group more than makes up for it.
yes friends may not be as close as your relatives but ur every day life is surrounded by them.in school im with weizhi weichin mark wes izzat james dinesh ben shaun nick jerrold,sailing i be with damian zhen shen lionel.church i would be with e462 and the SA guys.i play pool with ben.i eat with many of them.i psp with yong and chinkiat.i cards with hikaru shaun and the rest.life revolves friends.outside home they are your family.yes i agree sometimes friends can be horrible to you, but thats life and btw..these peeps im with..we are horrible and serious and fool around with each other.sometimes i think and look back..is having a girlfriend that good?i once had one that revolved 2 more ppl.haha.i now am interested in one that is close to few brothers.somehow i feel friends are your life.i certainly experienced it full blow on 28th and 29th.WOW!Thank God!

PS:
and erm Afred,if you read this,please do not tell anyone elso bout what we talked before hand on the night of 29th jan.hehe.thanks.
Love you people.:):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):)
Love you God for giving such a 'family'.

Peace™:)

Special Day has..

2008-01-28T06:10:00.000-08:00

FINALLY ARRIVED!WOOTS!haha received the first message from weizhi at exactly 0.00am.hahathen dinesh called also at 0.00am.how nice.if only...yea ok.not going to that part again.now its 10.12pm.another 1hour and 48min till im 17y/o and 1 day old.dang.hahaha.today certainly had a good harvest today.a bag[ afred suting hikaru darwin peter shaun edwin ], wallet by rachel tan.ear studs from weichin and steph, psp from parents and of course. hell lots of punches from mark chinkiat dinesh junjie aravindh ben james vikesh jerome danker.OUCHZ!haha.im ok la.lax..not dying.surely..thanking God for making this day a really special day for me.no doubt the flood of messages from cell group mates - suting and company.THANKS!few other bros like hikaru shaun peter as well.thanks!dang.the day was not only bout the presents and all.im glad that i have many friends around.haha.all around the class.5b.best buds jerome danker amos.hmmm.and also..MUFEES REMEMBERED MY BIRTHDAY!haha LMAO!.anyways..school was kaoz sianz.apart from the mingling around.lessons were as usual.mr ng somehow gave us 2periods of self-study.but in the end was to counsel certain others about Os results.dang.after school was a fun affair.collected cake from some funky confectionary shop.Dj something something.in the end..birthday celebrations was a noisy affair!mrs chan and mrs calais were there as well since their birthdays in jan as well.LOL.funny to the core.james and others kept trying to rape me all over.fun bah.
hmmm.thank you God for today when i was born.28 jan 08.best day i believe.

17years have passed.if only i could have celebrated with that one special one.or even with the one that i yearn all times.haiz.
Beautiful Savious by PlanetShakers.

Peace™:)

PAIN!

2008-01-26T03:56:00.000-08:00

anyways.life sucks initially.my life went into pieces when i found out my results.tmd.c5 and b4.zz haiz but well.least still can retake.cried but well.its at the moment.hmm.thanks you all for the comforts and all.im fine now.moving on with life.think God shown me his care and concerns because the day's night turned out funny.went to TopMan to buy my shirt and bought my PSP Slim.funny right?bought by my mom somemore.hmmmall bought on the same day as getting my results.funny right?hmmm. yesterday was quite ok in school.really emo-ish coz im still thinking of results and..her.thinking wad results she got and wad all my friends got for results.hmm.aye..dinner on friday night but guessed wad was the main event?i smashed my pinkie between the car boot and my finger.PAIN!RAWR!!dang.bleeding like shit but well..im still alive...

and today.worked today.haha at ms choo's. stupid PSP still cannot read the games.FUCK!asking yonglin to help me put in the games already so yea.monday is my birthday already.dang.time is really passing that quickly.janice shares the same birthday as me!hahah.

another Life quote.something that dinesh made me think.

people always ask : Life is always wrong towards me.

i tell you : Life was never wrong.We just do not know the extent of our mistakes or how to amend the wrongs we have done.

Peace™:)

going GAGA!

2008-01-23T05:12:00.000-08:00

haha.tomorrow is getting results day.wishing all whoever took Os all the best for results.especially selena cheryl xiaoxuan sweemin wilson weiqiang whole of 5a vikesh abel and everyone else la.haha.so many.anyways school was quite ok.teachers kept coming up with constant reminders that results are coming out tomorrow.ZZ!had E.Math test today.the test proved to be pivotal.i kept thinking, what would my results be?what would i do should my results blahblahblah?the constant question keeps coming up.gosh..God please tide me through this.at least i hope have a subject that i would not need to retake.PLEASE!hmmm.tomorrow is thursday.i day that i would always like.not because it would be one more day to the weekends, but cos its a day where i always had the chance to see someone which my life took a turn.sad it turned out badly coz her family.HMMM..haha.aye aye aye.TOMORROW..TOMORROW..I LOVE YOU..TOMORROW. dang im going crazy.today also proved to be another emo-ish day for me.whole day i thought of her and how i should approach her should i meet her again.then i thought of how she would do in her Os results tomorrow.will she get into her desired school?i really hope so.pool today also proved my mood.haiz.imbal moody today.but chill peeps..i dun throw my temper around.haha.i throw it on the pool table.hmmm.Life is getting a bit sceptical for me.ever since i got to know her.ever since i found that Os result is coming out soon.ever since i found out i may never get the chance to see her again.ever since this ever since that.i need to be spiritual more..i need and ask God to give me more wisdom in my decision making and what im thinking.i have yet to go to Him and ask him.i really wish i can do it so.

once again to all who took Os and are getting results tomorrow..ALL THE BEST!MAY GOD BLESS YOU WITH DESIRED RESULTS!!!haha.to 5a as well..should we suffer a setback tomorrow.LETS NOT BE DISCOURAGED!haha,aight aight.wanna sleep early.

All the Best.

Whats done Cannot be Undone,We just have to wish for the Best and Leave it to God.

Peace™.:)

GOING NUTS ALREADY!!

2008-01-22T05:16:00.000-08:00

aye aye aye.what is happening to me?totally not thinking straight.school was utter boring today.totally mundane.but math periods are always a fun.though lesson was stifled coz we were just revising,had lots of fun with the calculator though it was kinda retarded.mr ng is cute to the core.LOL(not how he looks,its how he teaches).english period brought about a surprise as well.though the lesson was imbal dry and making many fall asleep.i, of all people was actually awake and doing her work.i really dunno what is going on inside my head.maybe..maybe..LOL.school after that was boring.history test made it worse.haha.after school was like where i belong.went to eat and was sitting with racheltan pamela steph zena and few other guys from our class since weizhi and weichin were with another person.was super bored but since with them, its always funny.LOL.science prac was also quite fun.seeing all the different unknown solutions turn into some interesting colour.sad cannot take a picture of it.DANG!after prac was to class doing up the final touch ups of class decor.hell with it i tell you but now that racheltan pamela and zena came in, everything finally fell into place.if we win,really would be flabberghasted.went to watch angeline do the auditions for the superstar thingy.LMAO!but was nice la.nice voice she has and i dun even realise.sat with her for 1 year last year.LMAO.hmmm.there's that.

i think im going crazy.call me a retard if u like.i really dunno whats gone into my brain though some say i do not have one.am i thinking too much?i think i am..see!OMMFG!im thinking again.zz
sometimes having too many thoughts is like a drug.you keep thinking about it.then go high when start thinking.Life does indeed need us to think but sometimes, we just need to relax that usually overloaded mind.but sometimes..certain things just cannot be forgotten.for example; a girl whom u fell in love(probably) though seeing her just once;O level results are nearing;and certainly other things.these are the things im definitely thinking of every mother fucking day.these thoughts just keeping popping up in my head.that girl whom is of subject,i barely know her.she's like the strong metal core of the moon that is pulling me up and i am not wanting to get myself back down to earth.Os results is another issue.2 subjects and im already pissing in my pants.haiz.what is done cannot be undone already.so why am i fretting and not leave it to God to decide my results since i know i have tried my best.and of other things.why cant i just stop thinking about all other random stuff.thus the phrase - Art of Randomness.
haha.i may be sounding a bit emo-ish but isn't it true?Life keeps u thinking,thats what keeps us alive as well.hmmm.goodness gracious.

Just leave it to God and he will make a way.
Praying for AFRED's health and to his family as well.
For everyone that took Os..all the best for results on Thursday.
hmmmz..

Peace.

Tiring and delusional..

2008-01-21T03:00:00.000-08:00

am i seriously getting desperate?zz i think i am.her face her name her voice just cannot get outta my mind.y is that si difficult?is it really love at first sight?or am i just delusional to even think she would wanna be with me?argh..dunno.i have never gone over the board over a girl since the former.haiz.ok relax marcus..pull yourself together.!!tmd.anyways..day passed normally stupid dinesh didnt come school.pangseh me.haiz.but to tell you the truth, the day passed rather quickly.and he just told me he most likely would not be coming tomorrow.nice.how freaking nice.behind is just bored stiff without him.dang.day passed mundanely today as well.went with jerrold to print some photos.7bucks!LOL.managed to bargain a bit haha.after that was off to study champ.really retarded coz the way the teachers went about class was simply..weird.they split us into groups so weichin nick me were with nabila nadia darren and shuying.stupid wesley and pamela all pangseh.zz.we were asked to make a team logo and come out with 3 reasons for the logo.we came with an egg-shaped idea.LOL.was really funny coz weichin and i were talking bout nick being a half-boil egg.haha.guess what was our group name.NOlevels.nice right?since there were peeps taking Ns and Os..y not the name?and guess whose idea was that?MINE!haha.but nadia and nabila did the design for it.class became ultra boring after that.made friends with nadia and nabila in the end.more of nadia anyways.class ended and the team with the best logo designs and group names were out.guess what..WE WON!some more we won coz they liked the name coz of its creativity.the design was also good.hahaha.nicely done team.LOL.was super hungry after the class so nick and i went to eat.met nadia along the way so asked her if she wanted to join us for a bite.LOL.never had a junior agreed to my request!haha.ate and talked all they way thru..haha.how funny.found out she was in the same primary school as me.LOL.1 year younger somemore.

delusion vs desperation vs reality.
have i lost my senses?or did i lose it to her.to be serious.i have never gone crazy over other girls other than my previous.or is it just me being delusionised.
am i being desperate?being suddenly alone has left me being a forlorn figure.but on that particular day this girl came into my realm and have made me go berserk everytime i daydream.
am i lost or do i not want to accept reality?this is not much of a brainer.reality has set me in that i may not be with her again since whe parting of ways.so y cant i just move on?
haiz.dev told me to try it out and ask her to Impressions which is a long way more to go.April 4th.charles told me relax first and see how things go.wilson asked me to try and know her more.dang..Fuck my consciences.Fuck my brain.Fuck my senses.Fuck my emotions.i never knokw what will happen tomorrow.only God knows.studies are becoming tougher.i need to focus more.Os results are getting released real soon.only time will tell my next step towards another level of life.

Help and advise me.
Delusioned?Desperate?Reality?

Here is a quote i made randomly;
Teacher asks, ' why do we need Math in our every day life?'
my answer? ' Life is Calculative. '
Understand where im flowing?

Peace.

Coincidental...or?

2008-01-19T22:55:00.000-08:00

Lolitas..been days since i came here.been super super tired so yea.last few days have been really active and weird stuff happened.today is already the 20th.its 8 days to my birthday!see how the combinations work?was thinking randomly after tuition and this came to mind.anyways its also 5 days till Os results are out.haiz.

18th jan -
was kanthes birthday.LOL.how time flies.it already her birthday.day was really boring in school.tuition after school without ben.pangseh-er.was rather boring though.hmm.went to basketball court to look for alfred and junjie.weiqiang gladwin and jonathan were there as well.tired to the core.some more cell meeting at night was really tiring for me.so cell was the fun i tell u.found out wilson was interested in vanessa yang.went thru so many people to get her number.and guess what,he didnt even dare call her.LMAO!met this pretty girl called swee min.haha.same age.stays near my area and yea.more to that later.it was all fun though.started talking to her much after scaring her and other people while watching supernatural.LMAO!movie after cell and guess what.Body19 again.exactly a week after watching with nadya and james.haha.dang,im definitely feeling desperate.so much emotions ran thru me during the show and the taxi ride.should i talk bout it?hmmm.just say im a retard who thinks of weird stuff.she has never had a boyfriend and is wanting to try out.im broken and needs someone to piece me back.haiz.
im just thinking too much or maybe...

19th jan -
was a fanfare.went NSC for some talk by mark robinson.how irritating can it be?the talk was the sailing calender for major regattas in singapore and overseas.the major regatta im aiming for are youth worlds but guess what.its in freaking july!and when is my prelims?august!urgh!there goes my dream or maybe.was supposed to sail since its been long since i sailed.funny thing was,i forgot to bring my sail!left all at home.mom wanted me to sail or at least go out to sea.and i was the opposite,since no sail,sail for?wee wee didnt allow me on his boat so i just decided to call off sailing.so i decided on soccer.WOOTS!was with james church friends.really fun though met 1 or 2 malays that took the game bit too far.sadly i scored only 2 goals the whole time but set up numerous.my type of game now.soccer-ed all the way to 6plus before heading to Blackboard for dinner.along the way met tszkei at james church!hahaha.how nice to see her.ahhh.how fun the day was.

20th jan -
was a early morning sunrise to church.met belinda and 2 others on the train before bumping into richard ravi darwin and garvin at tanah merah.service was really good today.sadly i could not stay long as i had to go for tuition.SAD!:(:(:(:(::(:(:(:(.haiz.wanted to see PSP Slims' after tuition but was raining so came home.super tired now though. gosh.may either game or do work.ADIOS!

Have Faith.
Losing your Faith is like losing God.
Confidence is a virtue.
Losing Confidence is like losing your Confidence in God.

Peace.
Out:)

Emo..

2008-01-15T06:22:00.000-08:00

really feeling kinda down though.as much as a ' always-giving-a-smile ' person,that sensitive topic came up again;my other half.let me make this clear - im, FFS, not with anyone.PLS!it was over coming to a month already.not only did it come up once,it came up twice,thrice.urgh.FUCK!haven't u guys any human or sense in you?school was quite boring but managed to stay awake.became quite Emo after the topic was brought up to me.that was the reason why my mind was blank when we were planning for the class boards.sorry, to whoever was present and cannot get anything out of me.anyways..

Responsibilty.it is something that we live by and go by everyday of our lives.this word is always assosciated with leaders like class leader,teachers.anyone that has authority.however it is not only them, the majority of people that are lead by leaders.they have a responsibility as well.responsibility can come in small tasks or big tasks.but all the same.you are entrusted to do something for someone else,it is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to accomplish it.in life,it is our responsibility that we do well in life.responsible for those close to you as well.
cant go on anymore.really Emo-ish now.

Can't fully let go.
God please help me.

Art of randomness...

2008-01-14T05:58:00.000-08:00

right.the day started on a really wrong note.damn alarm clock rang at 6.05am.KAOZ!was super sleepy still, so i went back to sleep.woke back up at 6.50am!!gosh.woke dad at 6.55am and left the house at what?7.10am.sianded.was actually on time but then,forgot to take my wallet in the end.then ended up late.haiz.day went fairly alright.was super random in telling dinesh that id whoever says a vulgarity, that person has to slap himself once for every word.he has been slapping himself for the whole day while i only did once.LOL!lame i know but well,random-ness comes into place when you are hell bored.WATCHING HEROS!watch it.nice.lazy to watch on buffer webbies so catching it on tv.haiz.shane sent me a new song.nice yet emo.LOL!

Promise.How big is this word?lets see..on the scale of 1 to 10, the rating of this word is 11/10.no kidding!what is the definition of this word, Promise. it means that when someone asks you for a favour and u take it willingly.that is a promise.like for example, my friend asks me for help in homework and i agree to it.yup.however,the word is used in more ways than just this.Boy-Girl Relationships for example.the guy gives his promise that he will not lust after any girl but his girlfriend alone.but then somehow.he wants to break up because he found another girl.that is a promise broken.When a Promise is broken, the victim can feel many hurt.whether you are a girl in broken relationship or in a job where u were promised of a promotion or whatever that involves the word Promise.the victim can feel cheated.fooled.desecrated.thus going into depression because that promise made is broken.Promise is like a living thing.once broken,it is dead.easy to make a promise yet easy destroy it.Life is sometimes,full of Promises.Your parents promised you to buy a PSPSlim depending on school results.You promised your girlfriend or boyfriend that you love no one but them.A job interviewer promised to call you back regarding a job application yet that call never came.It is a word that is easily made yet sometimes difficult to carry out.Never joke about a promise for it can create hurt unintended.Promise is a big word used by small man to cheat their way to personal gain.but Promise is a big word used by big man that manipulate situations to help needy and less-fortunate people.

Promise is no doubt big, but even bigger when made to God.
Life is full of ups and downs, but Promise yourself that no matter how down you are,always head up.
Loving God.
Loving Her as always though..

Peace y'all.it's the fag life. :)

The Beauty of..

2008-01-12T22:40:00.000-08:00

Forgiveness.Big word huh?Mother Teresa once said.'' to learn to love,you need to know how to to Forgive.''.isn't that true?if you are all mean and aggressive and malicious towards other people,how can you forgive should one do wrong unto you?let me go thru wad the pastor preacher about today ;

1. Real Forgiveness is UNCONDITIONAL.
to be forgiving,it has to be unconditional.when Jesus died on the cross,he asked God to forgive all the sins that Man has commited.the roman soldiers and the civilians were still unrepentant and did not seek forgiveness.still,Jesus asked for all Man,you and i,to be forgiven.that is the true way of Forgiving UNCONDITIONALLY.

2. Forgiveness DOES NOT minimise the seriousness of the offense.
Imagine this happening.there would not be a need for singapore to have Changi Prison and a Court of Law.criminals would just be arrested by police and then get forgiven.thus like our daily life.should one hurt us deeply, emotionally or physically,Forgive them still. Forgiving is only a way of recovery.with recovery can there be a full heal.Never joke about Forgiveness as well.you never know if a small insult can result in a catastrophic cause to another.

3. Forgiveness isn't resuming a relationship without change.
You have just been conned.u Forgive the conman.but do u still allow the conman to con you further?No right?haha. it is about one's genuine repentance.restitution and a rebuilding of trust.

You cannot embrace your future if you cannot let go of your past.it is difficult,yes,to let go of the past.especially if your past was filled with the love shared with your loved one.thus you are scared of what the future holds,making you ever more resilient on holding to the past.but how can you know what the future hold if you do not move on?God has a way.He always has.Believe in Him and you can gain confidence from Him that He can make your future a better one.

For me,i always believe that life is all about moving on.you fail,you pick yourself up and move on.even when you succeed, you don't wear ur pride on your sleeve and boast about it.you move on and learn to progress.Jerblinn said in our FIRST cell meeting '' unsuccessful people are always just trying to survive.Average people just think of maintainence.but Successful people only think of progress. '' another thing that successful people also think of is moving on.when they move on, they learn from their mistakes after failing.many have asked me'' why do i seem untroubled despite the bad results.why do i seem untroubled despite a bad regatta.why do i seem to be happy all the time and also be able to help others by letting them talk to you? '' this questions have often come to me.i do wallow in self-pity at times.but that is enough already.i feel that the key to staying happy is to move on and trust that God will make a better future ahead.however, there are certain things that cannot be let go.like letting go of a treasured relationship with that special one.that is the problem im still living thru and the only thing from the past i cannot let go.

God Bless.
Forgive and Forget.
Learn to Move on.
Stay Happy.
Embrace the future by Letting go of the Past.

:) Peace.

Blah..

2008-01-11T09:35:00.001-08:00

shall blog it tomorrow..lazy now.and super tired :)
nights-su!!

Boring..

2008-01-10T07:19:00.000-08:00

Wishing for a tatoo..but not this..haha.nice tho..Yong was supposed to act 'giving' a rose

school was normal..just that.due to the lessons.i came out shagged..as if i have been having sex for 10days in a row..:):):):):):). no la..it was SS.PE.EL.REC.MT.CME.kaoz..how tiring can it be..happy birthday to lingzhen anyways..hahaha.so boring..accompanied weichin to pasir ris to do his Ez-link card.walked around whitesands mall.no bloody stalls that sells nice shirts!but saw a package about PSPSlim!$375 - console,memocard,pouch,clothe and holder.not that..its red tho.hahaha..hmm.day passed quickly.could not even sleep!!tuition at ms choo's.Amath Amath Amath.funny lesson..but really shagged!!haiz..dun wanna go on already.thinking of her thru and thru and wad weichin said..=.="". still cant forget her.FUCK!im sick..really sick..

GTFO.

im telling myself.not you.LOL.

Helpless when she smiles..

2008-01-09T02:21:00.000-08:00

any..just being emo.LOL!anyways..lost my Amath textbook.really really pissed.FUCK!!!haiz.gonn whack that ass who took it.Amath test went with bit of ease despite a little difficulties without my trusty notes.after that was the Science Prac classes.stupid weizhi is making me pissed already with all his idiotic comments by calling me stupid..noob._I_ =.= _I_ . wtf siaz..i dun even complain when u guys do stuff to me.return me money also got so much difficulty..haiz.i still put up with it la.first day im in Chem Prac.difficulties understanding the different solutions that should be used together..made it thru tho.went to eat with james shaun and nick before meeting aravindh along the way.so 5 of us went to eat.just really retarded when we talk.when james starts the crapping on shaun..we just all join in.the best part was when we talked about what we aim to do after Os and which course we wanna go.really funny!!aravindh wants to go either areo-nautical/space.shaun had the same idea.james wanna go music&audio tech while i wanna go psychology.didn know wad nick wanna do since he didn say.and guess what..we sat there from 3++ till 5!KAOZ!funny how we could just talk for so long and time passing along.haha parted with aravindh and 4 of us walked towards tp.bus came and james and talked.haha.we were reminiscing about our past..then touched on him being with lingzhen at sec2 and when i was with rachel at sec3.ahah.paiseh until cannot paiseh loh.really tiring.but just enjoy it whenever with them..haha.much more fun and laughter rather then getting insulted by the other 2 gits.really cannot take their nonsense against me le.:(:(:(

Friends. are they important?take a look around you.are the people you hang out with are your real friends?and are you their real friends?i think i am with real friends.ben james shaun nick alfred junjie eric weizhi weichin mervyn jerome vikesh dinesh aravindh jerrold jonlee amos.but sometimes i really wonder im a friend to some.im always seen around those 2.but i always get suan-ed.ridiculed.getting whacked.this has been since last year.i enjoy their company.but sometimes they get too far into disturbing me by hiding my bag books and other stuff.i took that all in last year as we are still good friends.this year has been the same.no doubt i owe weichin 5bucks but weizhi owes me 30bucks.how to return weichin when weizhi has yet to return me?i have no more money already.so they ganged up on me again saying im such an ass for asking for money and not returning.kaoz.cant be bothered with them already.today..we changed places.weizhi went to the front and weichin and i went to the back.dunno wad he's feeling but he kept saying bullshit to me and even took my Amath textbook to hide.and guess wad?its really lost FFS.haiz.friends are not like this.yes this are part and parcels of having friends.but some do not know the limit of when to stop insulting a person.like with james and co. .we do suan shaun..but we know the limits and we stop.even among the sailors..quek used to like to suan me.but he knows the limits..then talking to me nicely.even nickde cruz..a good friend.he does say shit bout me coz im fat.but when he knows he has gone overboard..he apologizes and says no hard feelings there..i accept it readily.we enjoy it whenever nickdecruz damien shen me and wilbur get together.they know their lmits as well.hmm.really troubled over this issue now.they say friends always stick thru thick and thin.share their troubles and celebrate each other's joys.haiz..Friends are indeed priceless.just like God.absolutely priceless..just that once you lose ur friends over a bad incident..the chance of u guys becoming friends again are sth of a 2%.other 98% would mean not becoming friends again.but if u lose God..he will 100% help you go back to Him.no doubt.so don't lose both..coz Life would become meaningless without it.

God is Priceless.
Friends are Priceless.
Lose them at your Peril.
Live with the Happily.

Peace..later:):)

Any time.Any place..

2008-01-09T02:19:00.000-08:00

Anytime, anywhere, any place
You could be anyone today
Maybe I will recognize
You on a crowded street
Maybe you'll take me by surprise
Will you be the one I had in mind?
There'll come a day
When you walk out of my dreams
Face to face
Like I'm imagining
Baby how can I be sure
That you're the one I'm waiting for
Will you be
Unmistakable
People say we're watching life
Through a glass
Desperately waiting on a chance
I know you're out there,
Holding on,
Holding out for me
How're we gonna know the time is right?
What if you're here and I'm just blind?
There'll come a day
When you walk out of my dreams
Face to face
Like I'm imagining
Baby how can I be sure
That you're the one I'm waiting for
Will you be
Unmistakable
How can I know a song
I've never heard
How will I know your voice
When you haven't said a word
How do I know how this will end
Before we begin, before we begin
There'll come a day
When you walk out of my dreams
Face to face (face to face)
Like I'm imagining (like I'm imagining)
Baby how can I be sure (how can I be sure)
That you're the one I'm waiting for (you're the one I'm waiting for)
Will you be (will you be, will you be)
Will you be (will you be)
Unmistakable
Unmistakable

Nice song by BackstreetBoys :)

I have been walking inside a haze..

2008-01-08T02:48:00.000-08:00

ITS TUESDAY!20 MORE MF-ING DAYS!anyway..today had much stuff going on.first..school was first time not boring to the core.second.im class chairman.third tuition with ben is simply enjoyable.fourth sis bought me few shirts from hongkong.quite nice LOL!.fifth just got a 40dollar TopMan voucher.WOOTS!

Amath test tomorrow and have yet to start working on it.Life is looking up again.Ever heard of ' Where's the fun without the danger? ' haha.im sure u have heard of it before.sides..this can mean anything.im sure ur frens have asked u to participate in some activites that were dangerous but at the same time..be fun?have ur frens ever dared u to come along in the adventure to a rumoured haunted district?or to step into geylang's red light district?or even sports like wakeboarding.one hell of a ride but when an accident occurs..it is fatal as a crash can mean a broken limb that could cost ur life.
in life..one has to step out of their own comfort zones to reach another level of experience towards life.that is what this quote means as well.no doubt if u are a jack of all trades you are a master of none?but if u never try..how would u know u will fail?in life..one has to experience hardship in order to attain success.lets say for example..u are the best employee in ur company.year after year..u do the same concept that would ensure yourself being the best emplyee.but what if u are challenged to or asked to change to a new concept. u feel uneasy and disturbed.thinking that this is the way ppl are going to knock off ur title as the best employee.thus u think best of urself only and do a new concept but somehow u didn get the best emplyee award. so u start asking urself stuff like..i should have won.that is a new concept.im the best.but i would have still won if i stuck to the old one. is this wad u are going to tell urself?then u are not going to achieve much as sometimes..failure is the mother of all success.testing untested waters are always dangerous.but how would u know it is dangerous till u tested it?no doubt it always dangerous to venture into new stuff..but if u didn try it out. how would u know this is some stuff that can make u have fun and can somehow earn a living out of it?yes it hurts when u fail..theres the danger..but that is where u take an experience of life to another level.

Life is full of untested waters.
Try stepping out of your comfort zones to try new stuff.
Its is painful to fail yet fruitful as the experience allows us to learn.
Trust God all the way.
Lets take Life to another level.

I'm seriously sorry..

2008-01-07T06:31:00.000-08:00

hmm..2 blows in less than a month..cant blame anyone but myself.but well..cant be bothered to talk wad happened today anyway.lets go to..

in Life..there are alwasy choices to make.choices that always involve day to day matters to education matters to important and urgent situations to almost everything in Life.there is also a choice between Life and Death.this choices moulds us into the people we are today.lets give a simple example : lets see..this boy was given a choice between foods.Lovely Fried Chicken to Vegetables.this boy thus chooses the 1st option.he likes it..and is given another choice.Chicken to Vege.he would still choose the chicken and if he continues making that kinda decision..he will indeed need some diet planning.for me as well..another example.an important choice i had to make 5 years ago.i was pri6 and i just got back my PSLE score.yes..187 is a pussy score.many of my friends scored fabulous scores and got themselves into good schools.while my score only meant SHSS.sides was a N(A) stream.my sister once said me being in N(A) stream is simply ridiculous.many teachers spoke in tune with her as well.i remembered i cried a bit.the next day.i was happy and jovial.i remember my friend once asked me.' hey marc..its only a day since u known ur results and u were crying.but today,it seemed as though nothing happened at all.' it does seem incredulous that after a day of total heart break, i was actually happy the next.let me tell u what went thru my mind.i had 2 choices- either hold my head high and tell myself maybe this is God leading me to a path not yet explored?or im just going to mull over my results and beat myself down like useless dickhead mofo.i took that choice to remain happy and not be discouraged.i did beat myself.but like what my mom said..what done is done..it cannot be undone.dun spill tears over wasted milk.
for these choices to be made.regret must never be present.y make a choice and be regretful?always make the right choice.whether is it a good choice or a bad choice.wad matters is that u were the one that made that choice and that u do not regret making that choice.i have already regretted in making a choice.that was to let go of someone i truly adore.so pls..dun let it happen to anyone.go to God for help for he can guide you..

Peace we out..
Sincerely Sorry..

Time heals all wounds...

2008-01-06T06:58:00.000-08:00

hey there y'all..hmm.nvm.my day passed boringly.tuitioned then came home to DotA.goodness..needa stop!!!anyways..really boring day..not my usual sundays anyway.missing that one person made it even worse.wanting to buy those shirts made it a lot more worse!anyway happy birthday zena!!haha.stupid charles anyway..pangseh me for galfren.=.=!!feeling sick now..:(:(:(:(:(:(:( and school's starting tomorrow :((:((:((:((:(( hahaha

hmmm..where to start.Time heals all wounds..heard that line before people??tough to describe..but easily used to our lives long-term.what does it mean by time heals all wounds?does it mean that u get a scratch and over time it heals?well its sth like that.more towards humanly life.this line refers to..lets say..emotional wounds.i broke up with this charming girl of 1year3mths.it fucking hurts right?imagine spending all that time and effort into supporting her thru her major exams and then helping her cope with her many problems that she had faced last year.all that love and devotion and committment and sacrifice to be happy, to be thankful..was all wasted.yes..no doubt we did break up over a minor issue that could have been salvaged..but it showed her committment to me.it was all over on her birthday.it was a sad and a happy day for her while it was a really endearing day for me.just one sentence from her mom and other relatives was all it took for us to split.wow..but somehow..i have forgiven her..and myself.why?time heals all wounds.i can tell you that no matter how deep a hurt someone has caused you or how deep a hate you have towards someone..one day when u finally meet that one person coincidentally, are you going to carry on that hate and dislike for that person?or are you going to greet that person as a friend?time heals all wounds.even a really nasty gash on your leg will be healed thru time..so why cant that hate for that person be healed?you cant possibly hate that one person for life?many friends have asked me..why aren't you like all down and emo-ish after your break up?but on the contrary you are actually joyful and lively??i admit after that breaking up.i was really down.didn know what to do.went out with friends to enjoy playing lan.but somehow i didn feel a thing.it hurt that much.days later..i can tell you that i can look high again and say lets start a new.thru time..the wounds inside me healed.in my circumstance..the wound healed quickly.for many.its far worse.thus taking a long time.for time to heal all wounds.it also means that one has to have the courage to help the healing.not facing reality.hiding oneself to a corner.dis-associating yourself from other ppl.becoming a moody person.these actions will not heal your emotional wounds.if u cant face reality,you cant solve the problem.if u hide yourself from the society and friends, how can this people help you get over the crisis?if you become a moody person, nobody will want to be your friend and help will not be given.it doesn't matter that Love has failed or that Life is going down or even relationships with people.time can heal all wounds.no matter how painful they are.no matter how deep they are.no matter how gruesome they.it will heal.have the courage.ask God for that courage.have the willingness.ask God for the willingness.then your wounds will be healed.i have been thru this and the many posts i have talked stuff like this..i have been thru.i am happy now and will always be.no matter how bad a setback i suffer or how painful it is..i trust in God that he will show me the way to forgiveness and have the courage to continue living life happily.

so now peeps.now u know why im a happy-go-lucky person.LOL!
praying to God that Lindis recovers from her sickness.that she would recover fast from her sickness and give the strength to fight out whatever sickness she is going thru.Amen.

22 more days.

Where are those shirts I yearn for?
Where is that PSP Slim I yearn for?
Where is that phone I yearn for?
Where is that person I yearn for?
Loving God always..
Loving Her always..
Loving all my friends always..

Peace we out :)

Blasphemy of...

2008-01-05T08:08:00.000-08:00

2008 this year is gonna be a special year.the initials 2 and 8 can be associated with me.the 8th month - August will be when my Os prelims will be..u add 2 & 8 and u get 10..that is the month my Os will be.2 & 8 is also the numbers for my birthday!!28thJan!!hmmm.how life can get this coincidental.maybe indeed this year will be really really special.u never know wad God has in store for me and all of us..
anyways life was slack today.woke up at 9 actually but dozed off till 11..haha.watched Pokemon Sr9 before going out to alter my school pants.gotta go back tomorrow to take back my pants.after that went home for lunch.mom cooked porridge since my dad mom and i were all sick!kaoz!!!!haha.went off for pool with Jason.LOL!won him 5-3.i won him 5 games in a row while he won me 3 games a row..really pissing off today as i cant make easy pots!grrr!!!after that went service with AFRED!only 2 of us since our group ppl rarely come on sats..but still saw xiuyin and other ppl from SHSS.today's preaching from PastorKong was really impactful and powerful to us all..hmmm.will have to ask Suting and brotherEdmund for help regarding whatever was shared.LOL!after service we supposed to meet Suting for dinner along with Jerb and Richard.in the end AFRED! and i went to bugis first since we decided on meeting later.walked around and saw really nice shirts.but now..NO MONEY!!hmm.sad la..now having imbal sales..seriously..this shop, Messy was having some 80% sale!!!saw junjie with his sis and mom at freshbox..really funny tho..haha!between alfred and i anyways..alfred bought a tie while im still fantasizing over those few shirts which i really like.finally took off to tampines since we walked finish..haha.we talked on the train as always..reached there and ate at where james ben me shaun and nick would always eat after school.richard practically finished up 4bowls of rice when he only had 1 bowl of tomyam soup as his main dish..KAOZ!call me a bottomless pit?i would really wonder what you would call him.LOL!wilson and gladwin joined us anyway..hmm.after that walked to jerb's house outside to take bus.Suting and alfred walked the same way while me richard and yaozong took 69 to interchange.hmm.met some of last year's 4a's peeps while on the way to MRT.filled day but didn really have that awakening feeling.still feeling very exhausted.maybe im just really missing that person i love.i really am.or maybe im still missing my dear ex.goodness.CANT THINK!!zz..so tired..wanna philosophize but lazy to..hahaha.tomorrow bah..will do 2!see!another initial of 2&8.haha :):):):):):):)

S pecify
M easurable
A ctions
R ealistic
T ime
E xpectations
R evelation

Loving God
Loving Her..
Peace :)

Lose Yourself..

2008-01-04T03:32:00.000-08:00

somehow thought of this song title by Eminem..probably my all time idol.listen to his emotional songs..speaks a lot to those lycrists.will go into detail later if i can..school was the usual anyway.BORING!but well.i somehow am getting the hang of physics finally..though i actually gave some random answers that were actually correct..im starting to grasp it i think..and hopefully MrsChan can see that im trying already!btw..its freaking friday!!tomorrow is sat!played basketball after school today.first game was a total mismatch la..jonathan gladwin AFRED! and another junyuan guy was in same team.my team made out of junjie me shaun and another junyuan guy.warm up round was quite equal but when the game started..we were somehow 7-2 down..quickly made it 9-7 but was kinda too late bah.dunno somehow i cant shoot properly and the rebounds are rarely won.weichin and i seriously make a good throw-miss-jumb-rebound team.he always gets to score because of my seriously lousy shooting.hmmm been long since i did any sports so yea.havent been seeing my dear for so long already!!!and she is sick somemore..most probably going night service with AFRED! tomorrow night.sunday morning will be a total mess up so i think i better reach it for the sat one.Life is getting into place already i guess..lessons are coming up and i have started to at least be attentive no matter how darn tired i am.still..im not used to the timings as yet as i have been spending a too good a life already since the hols.hmmm..

heard Eminem songs?if u have not..go listen to Mockingbird, When I'm Gone, Cleaning Out My Closet, We As Americans, Lose Yourself, The Way I Am and few others.anyway..heard this song Lose Yourself recently thanks to iTunes.im serious..go listen to them..in some way or another..it is very inspiring.this song for example..says that how this guy joined a rap competition but choked everytime he got scared..his life was a tainted one as his childhood was influenced by the dirty Blacks of Detroit.still..he always wanted to prove people wrong..he tried and tried and tried.he finally won and has proven that in life.he cannot stay in his mom's house forever if he is to make it big in life.
That man in that song is like one of us out there..trick out that situation and picture yourself in that different but sound-alike situation.you have always wanted to win sth..maybe not a competition but maybe trying to win a gift from ur parents or sth.but everytime that competition comes..u become scared and thus getting humiliated by the crowds and sometimes friends around you.thus ur parents or bosses beat u up by saying you can never make it big in life.they feel disgraced about you.they shun you to one side and pick new favourites that can satisfy their hunger for a successful child or employer.thus your life goes into an all-time low.you cant seem to pick yourself up.you start to lose yourself and turn to drugs smoking and doing bad things to the society like robbing ppl to killing ppl.vandalism to fighting.so my question is..are u gonn stay like this or try to get back on your feet and try for success again?i have many friend examples that have become like this.i admit myself that i have pictured myself in such situations.im a sailor and everytime a competition comes..i get all anxious and scared and thus..not knowing how to withstand that kinda pressure to continue doing well..parents have high hopes but get destroyed when i fail.they scold me and shun me.it is sad but what have i done?quit sailing and tried at another sport?or continued trying and trying?i continued trying despite not doing as well i would have expected.in school even..poor results are the failures one will have to come face to face.i have failed.but did i succumb to smoking?stealing?i have never once succumbed to smoking but stealing was a natural.i ask for forgiveness on that.but the main thing is..have you still the strength to stand back up on your feet and continue to persue that dream you have held for long?have u still the strength to prove ppl for once and for all with that almighty good OLevel aggregate score?or are u gonn succumb to pressure once more and fall back to your feet?i have said and felt the pressure-cooker life.it is just ur willpower and most importantly..ur asking of God's help to help you thru the crisis.ask Him to give u renewed courage to face failure and not succumb to success..but to always keep trying hard.
those peeps especially taking Os and Ns this year together with me[Os].if u somehow crossed this blog..try and keep trying.if u fall..get back to ur feet.

Life is tough but can be easy at times.
Go to God faithfully as He can help you.
Have no doubt in yourself but have only confidence.
Always get back to your feet when you have fallen as no one else but yourself can help yourself.

Peace out..
Chill guys..
And keep rolling..:):)::)):)

All i need is a rhyme..

2008-01-03T06:01:00.000-08:00

hmm.bored so decided to blog.LOL!went for tuition at 6 by aunt sam's car coz she driving filzah to parkway anyway.anyways..ms choo tuition started quite stupidly.she gave me binomial to do.OMMFG!!!dunno how to do!like seriously..binomial is the worst topic i can ever imagine.anyways..was doing until was asked to fill in a survey.ms choo's survey.was actually given by some girls from another class but ms choo asked me to write.KAOZ!wrote wrote wrote..hands became achey..so long no write long sentences lo!then ms choo told us about her teaching students as a challenge and a process.then she admitted she couldnt stand teaching stupid students..AND SHE SAID I WAS ACTUALLY ONE OF THEM!!!AHHHHHH!!!but then she finally said i was the few that could actually become so smart in the end..HAHA!hmm.told us bout her other experiences at the other 2 tuition centres.shall not elaborate but was still towards unruly students and stupid mommy boys' kids.then my question came out..' ms choo..ask u ah..do i have that smoker face?look?' her answer was obviously a ' yes ' . not only that..she added that i looked like a gangster because of my face!!!!!=.="""but anyways..have to accept how my face looks like..have been often accused for smoking..=.="then she asked me to answer her if i really do smoke or not.well i dun..I SERIOUSLY DON'T!!!SO PLS THOSE WHO THINK I SMOKE..I DON'T!!!!anyways..she said i look like a gangster..even the girl in class said i looked like gangster!!hmmm.well..fuck!appearances always make ppl go wrong..

this brings me to another topic..boring but well..educative.DON'T judge before knowing the person.this goes for guessing ppl's ages.it is mightily hazardous and scary.one fantastic example :- first time met clara for the team meeting on discussions for the camp.well..thought clara was one fine looking girl and was really wanting to find out her age.imbal pretty and funnily cute..so when meeting was done and alfred and i walked out first..i quickly asked alfred how old was clara.and alfred went to ask her..WTH!!but anyway..she answered by asking us to guess..so i guessed 18-19..her smile was so wide u could say she was the Joker's daughter.but well she said she was older than that.DANG!there goes another one..so guessed and guessed..no way she was older that 22..which was my sis age.but guess wad..she is 23!!!!!!!kaoz..how hazardous it is!!!imagine it was vice versa!!she would hate me forever!another example was during the camp..few ppl asked me how old was i.some even asked when i was going in army.!!!!!hmmm they were all shocked when they heard i was 16!!!
appearances are ever so deceitful..a thuggish looking guy may look like a bad person..but what if in actual fact he is actually a friendly and kind person??and also..vice versa?appearances are just what ppl want other ppl to see..if u do not know that person..dun ever judge before actually talking to him/her. like the saying goes - ' nvr judge a book cover to summarise the contents of a book ' . it means..really that tho a book cover looks like a really boring cover..u nvr know but find out the book actually hold so many wonderful stories..so people..DON'T EVER JUDGE ANYONE BY MEER APPEARANCES.IT IS HURTFUL AND DISRESPECTFUL!

Peace out people..Find the right rhythem and your life can flow easily like Music

Tiring..

2008-01-03T00:14:00.000-08:00

how tiring can it get?waking up in the middle of the night hearing your sister dad and mom get ready to go airport while i was sleeping.freaking irritating..banging of doors and the frequent enterings of my room really pissed me off.woke up at 6 in the end.rained rained rained and my nose continued running running.hmmm im like super sick.anyways..school again.KAOZ!still not used to going to school again.walked past vicky yap again.think she said hi or sth but i was super blur in the morning.but well..dun really care.classroom discussiong were quite boring but was a laughter..this class is seriously very united.always towards a common cause - MrsCalais. hall period was all about the various CCA's in school.all were making us sleep except the band playing.not as good as the older batch but well..still nice to listen to.then came the death part - chinese classes. peeps in class that will really make studying worse.today was the insight of how the class will be in future.least still have weizhi yonlin junjie racheltan pamela around to learn from.physics was a bore but well..have to be attentive right now.

hmmm 5a..this class has been together since sec4.not a long time right?but many have been together since sec1.u can walk around this class and find out that ppl do actually know each other and also bother to say at least a simple ' hi ' to each other.this class has created a very close bond that was knit when Mdm Mufees was still around to drive us thru E.Math.not only that..the constant irritating of MrsCalais - form teacher this year..so its karma - has only put the class united.sounds a bad thing?it is but without this unity..this class would not have strived so hard to get into sec5a and score a good grade in Olevel E.Math. the class studied together..worked together.tho there are cliques in the class..we still mix around each other. like for example dinesh aravindh shaistah primal zul herman will be seen together. weizhi weichin me and sometime jonlee will be together. wesley izzat mark will be together. weishi claudia angeline and so on and so forth. cliques that were seen as the dividends of the class..but we are actually cliques that mix together and become a really big group.

though in school..we often taught to score good grades and make friends.thus causing a thought there are 2 groups - study friends and making friends friends'. thus creating individualism.as sailor and part of TeamSingapore, we are encouraged to mix around with our team members and members from other squads.work together and help each other improve each weaknesses and strengthen our strengths further.this applies to our studies in schools also.as a class..we must support each other and support will be given to you.however this only comes about when there is unity and togetherness and not selfishness and dividing swines who just wanna outperform each and every one of their friends.thus teamwork is important.it can cause major applications to one's confidence and thought of not giving up.life would be made easier.im sure u would have come across incidents in class where slower students ask teachers to slow down and then the faster students would tell the teacher to teach them later and finish the topic first?if u are one of this students who do not care about ur other friends who are weaker..y not take to step of helping ur friends by asking the teacher to let those students who understand faster teach those who are slower?that way the class can learn better and also show the unity in helping each other out.

i know i have been droning on and on and on about this bullshit.my bad..just always have the urge to talk about man's every day problems.ppl have confided in me their deepest worries about life.that is where i take my inspirations from.i try to help them by explaining the facts of the simple life which man have made it complicated in their own way.i myself have suffered such incidents.like wad Giba always say ' the clever man always learns from the stupid man's mistakes but the stupid man will never learn from the clever man as he cannot point out his mistakes '.so peeps who have come across here..read it and learn.be wise..be smart..be caring for ppl will show u the respect that u nvr would have imagined.

First day of school is always the worst day..

2008-01-02T00:19:00.000-08:00

back to school..FINALLY!but well.its always the worst day of all.4years back when i was sec2, hair got caught coz was too long.sec3 was caught again coz my hair was again too long and my nails were long.sec4 my hair was again caught as fringe was long.and this time, my hair was crazily short.NO fringe.NO tail. NO sideburns.!!!!!!!goodness.but guess wad?was still caught as there was colour still when u thot it was all cut off already..zz =.=!!.kaoz sia..in the end was told to spray it black by MrK.but seriously, i look very beng leh.especially with that stud.ahah. wore the cardiggan that i bough with L on NYE.really made me look like a gangster.SIANZ!well anyways..expected MrsCalais to be our form teacher..but kaoz..didn expect MrsLeong to become our AFT!!!really boring day.went tm with AFRED! after school to look at bags.went to Zinc™. saw some really nice bags but i still liked the one i always want.went to 77th Street to look at clothes.saw one nice shirt but the end sleeve was kinda gay?saw some studs at XCraft along the way and while we were going down..WE SAW GAEL!she was gonn watch IAmLegend with someone.haha.went down to B.U.M to change some shirts with AFRED!was helping him choose some shirts.dunno if he took them coz i left earlier..really tired and missing L along the way.fuck..2shirts i wanna buy.1 from Zara and 1 from TopMan.L would know which one from TopMan.hmmm.not really supposed to use the com but well..first day of school means no work..so just using..supposed to DotA with AFRED and hikaru but somehow they didn ask me..gonn sleep soon.super super super tired siaz.

Life is taking a change for us.Life is tough out in the real world.Life is really all about trying and working hard to achieve success.Life...

2007 to 2008 - HappyNewYear!!!

2008-01-01T03:29:00.000-08:00

hmm.its 2008 already!sian-ded.Os coming.anyways..on the plus side..birthday coming!!haha.shares same initials as the year 2008. but lets take a walk down MY 2007 ;
- went into sec4d as the school's first thru train class.
- started tuition and made 4 very good frens : xiaoxuan,selena,cheryl and ms choo
- went thru first half of year as a total bad-ass bitch
- sailing took a dip and have so far not recovered.
- second half of the year came and studies became like shit
- started clubbing
- started harcore drinking but not all the time
- pool-ed at least twice every week
- dota-ed every day
- sailed less and less
- quarrelled with family
- life became a solidarity
- stepped up studying coz of Olevel math and english
- was afraid of being retained coz of seriously lousy grades
- heavy partying after the 2 Olevel papers.
- talked to AFRED! and was then invited to a church camp
- Dec3-5 was probably the most spiritual life i have come thru
- made very good friends like -hikaru peter ben hanyong darwin shaun jonchew ivan guojun jonathan[tingting!] jianguang suting belinda clara brotherEdmund deon yaozong joel meetingNicoleagain alicia jereen tingjia rayner xunyan jeffery gael annabel jerblinn sandy weiqiang wilson and like many many many more?
- went back to God and wanting to get saved
- went to church when i have always been so lazy to do so
- met L.
- dating L
- broke with other one coz of family
- becoming ever so sporty[hehe]
- called BestNewComer if there was such an award
- started a blog
- spent NewYear's eve and NewYear with L.
- Thanking God for AFRED to leading me back to church and you.
- getting ready for coming Os!

well there are actually much more but well..this are the many things that i have been doing and have done so.tomorrow going back to school while L is going back to work.fuck..we can barely meet each other la._I_ =.= _I_ . hmmm. if only i had actually been in express and graduate with L.but then again.if i was in express i would not have known L.
this year's 5a will make up of the same ppl minusing jiayang and aaron.but well..it will be fun coz there is weichin weizhi ben james nesh to be with.hmmm

anyone have any NewYear resolutions?u better have them.here is mine;
- becoming a changed person thru God's help and my friends and with L especially.
- spending a very very long time with L.
- get at least below 15pts for Os
- study seriously hard
- not getting distracted by fun and games
- loving family
- trying to make time for sunday services in the morning to help out cellgroup and also to go to God
- get PSPSlim [ LOL! ]
- get YouthWorld's qualification of sailing
- reach out for those who have never gone to God
- have my long hair back?NO!i wan topman shirt!73bucks!!!getting it soon i guess.its for CNY
- change my phone to nokia5610 [ LOL! ]
Play hard
Study hard
Never get distracted
It's now or never
Loving L always

Peace out peeps.

Starting of another New Chapter...

2007-12-29T09:39:00.000-08:00

went to work today.mschoo made me come 10am to work for her all the way to 2.made me lose time on my precious sleeping time.anyways..first time i had so much to do!learnt how to print receipts for customers paying fees then learning how to tell parents who were enquiring bout time slots of classes.after that came the tiring part - printing!so many functions to actually print out nicely.papers after papers were photocopied and then stapled.[ms choo has to seriously get a new stapler!] printed all my way thru for at least 45mins till a parent came in.a haughty looking parent.i politely asked if she needed help around.FUCK!I AM NEW AND HAVE NVR SEEN UR FACE BEFORE!OBVIOUSLY I ASKED!when i asked that..she gave me that ' i dun need ur help.cant u see im a frequenter here?! ' look. so i didn care and went back to packing books when she asked to pay fees for her children.gave her and overall amount and told me the sums were wrong..dead wrong.goodness..u didn specify wad kinda class u were paying for and u expect me to telepathise with your fucked up face?!went to ms choo for help..got her reciept and gave me a nasty look.._I_ =.="" _I_ !!.whatever man!after that came my usual slacking of 1 hour.FINALLY! went off at 2 to meet her..in what was a life-changing day!
met her at suntec..pouring after pouring..darn shoes were almost soaked anyway.met her outside mini-toons before making our way to CityHall MRT. somehow ran into claudia wesley and izzat. how unfortunate as since they have seen me going out with her..that will well be their new topic on me. we talked all way thru to the MRT station and talked talked talked.LOL!went about shopping.bout 2 jeans - 1 boot fit that needs altering while skinnies that needs me to lose some sheds at the legs.!!!!!!!kaoz..but well..hmmm..walked more before heading to PlazaSing and further on to Cathay. sadly Alvin and The ChipMunks were sold out and the other time slot was an unruly time for her..so went for I Am Legend instead.well..no seats so we took couple seats. well..the lifechanging event turned at that moment. started out ok with both us sitting close..before i actually made the first move!kaoz..first time but well..went smoothly afterwards..no doubt we didn waste time on where we wanted to go..just spend sometime alone for dinner/supper! went simpang there for prata..ordered so many dishes and as usual finished by me..well..we love each other..so no crime dudes..its not for u to judge wad i do..

Life Changing events - for the worse and the better.
Lets start with the worse..wad could be the worse situation that could turn a life around?isit stuff like studying so darn hard for PSLE Ns Os or As and not doing as good as u expected?so much so that u go into a state of depression and then maybe the road of suicide?or isit when u expected urself to get the probable promotion to a very high position in office but somehow lost it when someone with better experience and better qualifications beat u to that promotion?in general..doing ur best to do sth but still end up failing?
For the better - well..having someone enter ur life that has sparked ur life into life?doing well at major exams and getting a good job in the end?
This events are sometimes said that u have to strive no matter wad to achieve ur goals.some make it while some screw it. do u think u have actually really done ur best?i say..u have not..not unless u have gone to God..in him..everything is possible but comes with hardwork.in God, we can have the strength to carry on working harder.God made the first move to save mankind from all sins by sending his only son to Earth and die for us on the cross to cleanse all men's sins.so y cant we ask God for help guidance?isit that tough? think it thru before answering urself..

to that special someone..
loving u always..:):)

Another Day of total fun and laughter...

2007-12-28T08:20:00.000-08:00

hmmm.HOW TO START!well. went out with old byties today. joanne shen jonchew yihong nick valchia katja wilbur marctay and me hanged out. more peeps were supposed to come but anyways.had fun anyway!burgerking-ed before heading to luckyplaza to play pool.[marcushengwasgoodtoday] watched Alvin and The Chipmunks again.fun to watch nice to laugh.y not another time?after show was just walking around in a really big group still despite wilbur and yihong having to go early. went in taka to decide what to eat. first went DingTaiFung.Jon complained it was too ex as portion was small and we ended up in Fish & Co. . i didn eat anyway.took marc and joanne's mussels instead as they didn know how to eat it. Belinda called me and said she was reaching Orchard MRT soon!!goodness..how time flew..quickly ran to the station and met her at the platform.WHEW!talked talked talked till we reached Dhouby Ghout and took the train to ClarkeQuay. how nice to talk to a senior, both in CellGroup and as a much senior student. met hanyong while on the way to zone's meeting place.stayed with him awhile before making our way to the meeting place.was really really nice.especially when it came to the part where Cell leaders where asked to talk bout their respective cells. so touched when Suting talked bout me.haha.not much but SO SWEET OF HER!after prayer-ship was fellowship.funny how ppl came up to me to ask for my number and wanted to take photos with me.hmmm??!?!?!haha. ppl like rayner xunyan team esther gals like alicia tingjia jereen also requested taking photos with me then with alfred together with them. took with e462 ppl also.sadly jon jeffery and i think one or two did not have parts in the photos.but well..e462 still took photos.

well well..time really flies and outing with Lin is approaching!!!!WOOTS!haha. and also school is gonn reopen.NO HOMEWORK DONE YET AND MS CHOO IS SCOLDING ME FOR NOT DOING IT!so what does school reopening means?NO MORE COMPUTER!NO MORE DOTA!NO MORE OUTINGS!NO MORE ENJOYING!
Live will be very different next year i presume.wanting to do well in Os and wanting to go to a good school - jc/poly means lots of studying next year.YOU CAN DO IT MARCUS!

wanna thank AFRED! and Suting.
AFRED - thanks for bringing me back to God.nvr a devoted christian but always attending Chapel period in school was already called good enuff to me. but during this hols we managed to communicate and your invitation to the ET Breakaway Camp have really made me realise that God is asking me to go back to him. Your consistent persuasions to go for meetings with your cell group members and also to go service has really made me changed for the better. it was also thru u that i have made many new and wonderful friends along the way..like for example Hikaru[HongXiang] Peter Shaun the 2 Jons JianGuang Clara Ben Darwin Tianyi Ivan Richard Joel GuoJun HanYong. this are just part of the many ppl i have met along my journey back to knowing God. and also thanks to AFRED!
Suting - and OF COURSE!who else but our cell leader. you have shown me so much welcome-ness as being a new cell member.you described me as joy to be with and also bringing joy and laughter to the cell group.touching yet embarrassing for me as nobody have described my personality towards ppl openly to others.and even today..when talking bout the cell group at the ThanksGiving Party, i was mentioned!haha.you have shown care towards me and always looked forwards to chats with you!and also!thanks for your chio shirt for christmas!lets hope next year - 2008, will be another year where we can work together to grow our cell group even bigger and also to knit close unity within ourselves.

Loves to all whom have helped me gel into the community with ease and LOVING God Always!

A Twist in a Twist...

2007-12-27T10:37:00.000-08:00

called AFRED this afternoon upon hearing from Suting that he had food poisoning.sadded.poor him.hope he recovers soon and can come tomorrow!went tuition.was supposed to be at 12.30pm.set alarm to go off at 11.30am but somehow became 11.30pm!OMMFG!called MsChoo for the time again in the end and went back to sleep.Amath at tuition does not seem so welcoming as much as earlier this year.all the fun and laughter is now made by just..me?LOL!anyways..Dinner at some Jap restaurant at UE Square Centre.never been there anyway.and darn.PSP cant be found at Funan.ZZ!sianz!been wanting to get for a long time anyways.hmmm.home already played dota..as usual.

didnt do much today.rest from the social world today.tomorrow going out tho.Old Byties according to jon.then ET zone[ithink] meeting at river walk there for ThanksGiving Party.trying not to spend a lot of money anyways.coz im saving for sat!LOL!

a topic came to my mind today. ' Love yourself for who you are and not try to be like someone u admire ' . indeed everyone is different.there are jealous ppl everywhere in the world and in ourselves.so dun kid urself if u say u are never a jealous type.ppl need to LOVE themselves before LOVING someone else. i admit myself that i had once never LOVED myself fully.was always complaining that why do other ppl have better things than i have.was jealous at really handsome guys going out with super hot girls.i soon developed self-denial and had no confidence in myself at all.i cared what ppl said bout me more then wad i said bout myself.i had no LOVE for myself.thankfully i changed all that this year.LOVING myself more and not caring what other ppl had to say bout me.like the saying goes..Wise men treat insults as compliments.my ego was and have never been hurt again.
why wanna be like someone when u urself..is unique?i once watched a show that gave ppl free plastic surgery and choose whichever look they wanted.this lady wanted the same parts of many other celebrities like Britney Spears and which ever hot celeb there was.this ppl dun LOVE themselves.they think by changing how they look..they will be a better person.
God made each and everyone of us different.in the better term..unique.not 1 single person has the same fingerprint.even twins are different.the uniquness of one that is given by God can not only the best thing on Earth.
so pls my friends..brothers and sisters..and to everyone out there.LOVE yourself.LOVE who you are and NOT what u are.

*missing you..:)(:*

Markie!

2007-12-26T11:25:00.000-08:00

what a filled day today..went out with jonchew marctay nick yihong and fen.watched I Am Legend minus-ing marctay.lanned later..woots!owned both games ; LunaMoofang - 9-5, Faceless- 10-2.walked around Cathay awhile before going back to Plaza Sing.I WANNA BUY CLOTHES!and the funniest thing today..when i was withdrawing money at Lido..accidentally pressed $1000 button!craps!20 $50 nots came out and i was like OMMFG!but well..
managed to deposit back.WHEW!
trained back early for the dinner party at home.my sis's christmas party.not that bad.haha.ManUtd won 4-0 while Chelsea and Liverpool drawed..AGAINST LOWER TEAMS!well..dota-ed all the way..till now..
half-way thru was chatting with Lindis..and finally..WE GOING SHOPPING!after so long..hmmm.guess we are really close to each other.we can talk out our problems to each other if we wanna..i am now known as Markie to her.LOL!

Let Nature Take Its Course. that is a rule.to me anyways.towards relationships..situations that are out of the control of us.many say destiny is in our hands and no one elses..but i beg to differ.while it is indeed true that destiny is in our hands.but lets picture a scene : u suddenly see a loved one get knocked down by a car after actually meeting them along the way.the person's destiny was death.while u..blame yourself for not inviting him/her to lunch with u.y take that guilt along with u when u urself have no fucking idea what in the world was gonn happen?especially towards that loved one?it was all along nature taking the course.only certain things can destiny be held true.like studies..u have to study hard and keep revising to get good results.but if u dont and think u are smart enought..how will the situation turn out?u do the math.so people..life is easy living.dont think too much.when u say life sucks..no one but urself made it sucky.so this from marcus heng : Are u gonn live life to the fullest or are u gonn succumb to the pressure-cooker life?take ur choice people.

A confusing yet challenging challenge...

2007-12-25T09:11:00.000-08:00

man..i alarm was meant for 10.15am.guess wad..messages after messages.phone calls after phone calls..by peter!called wrong person..making me wake up at 8++.KAOZ!5HOURS OF SLEEP!but well..waited for junjie like eternity.before leaving kembangan..he said he reaching in 10mins..he reached some 45mins later.ZZ!almost had no seats!well..got the seats tho..AFRED was so anxious that we may not have a seat!drama was much nicer this time round and guess wad..ET ZONE WON THE EATING CONTEST AGAIN!4TH TIME RUNNING!!!how imbal is that..indeed..E- Eating T-Team Zone.headed home soon after..round 4.so tired..gamed awhile before going to Aunt Bern's house for Christmas Dinner..went to Stephen's house for another party..played murderer..always so suay..shaun and darwin always aim me to be murderer and i have never gotten the murderer card!after that..the rest ate while Hika AFRED Peter Clara me and another guy[Eugene i think] played dai di..nvr got kicked out at all!!LOL!soon we played murderer again.the winking type.how funny..Eugene was the Police..Hika was the murderer and i was the villager..AND WE SAT SIDE BY SIDE WITH HIKA IN THE MIDDLE!the police didnt know who it was but i knew!how obvious!switched to storyline but we all got distracted coz we heard clara was gonn be in a video doing some cat walk..it was quite alright bah..haha..she was SUPER EMBARRASSED!haha.took photos at the end..groupies then TEAM ESTHER!haha. only Peter Clara Hika AFRED Ben and me tho.but stiill..fun!!after that..went home with AFRED!MRT all the way.talked talked talked talked..thinking bout ways we can celebrate NewYear'sEve with cg ppl if there is one.alternative is peter's house.and he asked me how i looked out for girls!PRIVATE!hhahaha.

anyways..to tell u the truth..best christamas i have probably celebrated i guess.sis bought me an expensive Braun Buffel card holder.NICE!dunno bout other presents.haha.Life has changed so much for me.the ppl around me for example ; SuTing AFRED Hika Peter Jonathan[CG] Jonathan[ET] Lucas brotherEdmund Darwin Shaun Clara Ben JianGuang Richard YaoZong Jerb Belinda Wilma Janice Joel ChoonPeng and like many many more!indeed..it was through God's calling that i have met these very wonderful ppl and have made me go back to church.

In life..God has made a way for u and me..for everyone of us.He wants us to succeed but puts obstacles to show that success comes with subsequent hardwork.

Peace out..Later!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

2007-12-24T09:46:00.000-08:00

woke up at 3..pm!kaoz and i slept at 3am.12hours!what a pig i am.zz anyways played dota as usual.zues 19-6.nick and i were owning but he got kicked coz was insulting other team too much.went for service later on at 7+.reached late coz no transport to MRT or Expo.oops!same as usual..candles and drama.then did the eating contest..jerblinn said, ' marcus eat till very si wen leh..so gentle..' LOL!kaoz i was eating the bread la..how 'easy' it is!anyways..tho deon me and guojun lost..we were close to winning tho..but Peter[HOKKIENMEE!] Ravi[Mutu's] and other guy..sadded forgot his name..they won but as far as im concerned..ET ZONE WON AGAIN!FOR THE 3RD NIGHT RUNNING!WOOTS!supper at bedok..jerb afred ck weiqiang richard kenneth sandy suting jinglian huiting and me were there.first christmas wishing was at richard coz he was just infront of me..LOL!
well..if only she was still with me..christmas would have been very different.but well..hmmm life goes on as usual.

to all..MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Dreaming..

2007-12-23T01:21:00.001-08:00

slept late at 3[stillkindaearly] and woke up at 8.30am.GOSH!y did i wake up so darn early?!?!well for church and AFRED!the starting was so unexpected..met hikaru ben peter tingjia alicia jereen ivan tianyi shaun[CHUCKYCHUCKY!] darwin jianguang su ting belinda jonathan nicole.finally get to see all of them..especially team esther peeps..met clara tho but dun think she remembered me coz i was wearing the santa hat.how could she not remember me:(?!LOL. service started with christmas carols and then..the drama..how cool!had so many words despite a 20-25min drama.the drama shall be elaborated later as it was that touching and inspirational.
sermon given by Pastor Kong.and i must admit..his sermon was fabulo-sa!then was the fun-fair.
played Nintendo Wii with yao zong.lunched with whole E462.played pool on 6ft tables.then came the cards..went defeated for 4 rounds in bridge[PRO!] then alfred destroyed it all by playing the crucial round wrong..lost but well..in life u dun always win right?well..later then!

Unchallenged life 07' to Obstacle filled 08'

2007-12-22T06:49:00.000-08:00

hmm..where to start?
dad sent me to kembangan mrt.arcaded awhile before meeting jerome at ya kun's..walked walked walked..bought my present for the party [ CANDIES! ].after that went NTUC and Sheralyn(ithinkthatshername) bought sushi and we chose ham..jon lee[ATM Machine] came and we bought.party came along..was fun and really surprising coz peeps there were like from the same school.trudy chris evangeling jonlee jerome were the only ppl i know.rest are like younger than me and those who know me..i rarely mix with ppl younger than me..played some random game which was done at their camp.then came the FOOD!no turkey tho..if not i would finish it faster than u can say turkey.LOL.didn eat much tho.jerome's cell group leader- Jason gave a small talk on y is christmas important other than SantaClaus Rudolph presents feasting and with friends..but because of a man that was sent to heaven that saved us with his blood and wiped our sinned life free.AMEN!
watched HomeAlone4 after that.not as funny as HomeAlone1 or 3 but well..enjoyed it as much..trudy fell asleep tho.LOL.pangseh-ed ben and xiuyin for night service since im going tomorrow as well [ CHILL AFRED!TO SEE HIKARU AND COMPANY.I WILL CONFRIM GO! ] haha.chilled with jerome and jon lee = playing pool.HAHA!amazing tho..dualed 2/9 combis twice in a row pissed jerome and jon lee off..esp jon lee coz he didn do it the whole time.but well..as my name suggests..HENG!haha. played played played then went to see Jason perform a couple of christmas songs another girl.songs sang in chinese tho..so..problems there. saw candy and sheralyn at the fair as well..after that..
ate KATONG LAKSA!
been long since i ate that..hmm well.jerome invited me to join Cornerstone's service tomorrow..but promised AFRED already..so im not breaking any promises and never will i!

[ Life of mine being questioned again after saying i will stop all things to concentrate on Os ]

hmm..ever since saying i will stop eveything to do well in Os..ppl have doubted me..y..y do they doubt me?i will have to try wouldn't i?like i once said to myself and some friends who asked for advice : try and keep trying.that's life.the only time u stop trying i when u are about to die a natural death.even if u are suffering from a terminal disease like cancer and have a few months to live..dun tell me your gonn sit ur fat ass on the chair and await Death to come?i would enjoy myself as much as i can..u cant see in wad ways about trying is there..but still..tho im gonn die, i try to make myself live like i have never lived before.Jesus is a perfect example..he came to earth like no other men.sent by God to help cleanse mens' sins while spreading his word.Jesus never stopped trying.he didnt say" I QUIT!THEY DUN BELIEVE ME!IM NOT CARING ANYMORE!' but he continued trying and never stopped.Life is about trying..trying to get out of your comfort zones and test untested waters..trying to live a life of extravagance?simplicity?mundane?so to those of y'all who still doubt i can stop everything to do well at Os..IM TRYING MY BEST!SO Y CANT U TRY TO HELP ME BY BELIEVEING I CAN DO IT?!

peace out..later

New chapter to a new life[ L O L ]

2007-12-21T09:25:00.000-08:00

hey y'all..sup..no wait. this gonn be just my private one.still a newbie.
anyways life as usual. woke up and straight to lunch.came home and what else..started gaming like a dick.gamed..gamed..gamed..gamed all the way till now.GOSH!must stop soon..next year Os..i keep telling people that i would stop everything that is enjoyable.but will i actually do it?is marcus heng the committed type of person in to doing his desired shit?not the type right?but aiming for a drastic change in personality next year would be a main objective as well.enuff bout today..how bout..
Yesterday..
went lan with Ri,Justin,Maxi and his 2 bros, Nick,Leong. went High but somehow they said i was underage still. WHAT THE FUCK!WENT THERE LIKE 3TIMES AND NOW THEY SAY I CANT BE THERE?zz anyway went to MechMaster to play.this time of lan makes wanna quit dota.ok i mean just not to play with Maxi..thought Justin was the past already..here comes Maxi..the master demoraliser.i mean..[for dota players..u know what im talking bout] lightning revenant is meant to farm farm farm farm farm farm farm..right?soul-breaker is meant to pwn all game round..Maxi made me go mid lane and get my ass kicked there..CANT FARM!but well..expected Maxi to whoop Leong's ass at top lane..that game we got pwned..and Maxi said i cant play team coz i cant save for nuts..other game was much of a breeze tho early already got raped but didnt die..me Maxi justin melvin owned easily tho Ri's clinkz tried his best..haiz..if only i can beat Maxi in sailing as much as i beat him in lan..in Ri's car.pissed me off so badly..hmmm well..no more lan with him.LOL.but oh well..its maxi like ri said.
sat is gonn be a new day:
Jerome's cell group christmas party.maybe playing pool with ben and zeyu then maybe off to church with xiuyin and ben..oh well..tomorrow..later

if tomorrow never comes...